That is exactly how I feel today. I'm just kind of...here.
I had a friend come over today, it's only the second time I've actually been able to spend time around this particular friend though I do talk to him a lot and tell him pretty much everything(He knows of master and the relationship there). We've known each other for quite some time, up until a few months ago he was living a few hours away and we never managed to see each other. We spent most of the time he was here watching movies and laughing at the insanity of my family. He thinks we're entertaining, poor mislead soul.
As I have said before, I am not a people person. I can communicate well with people if I am comfortable with them, I am not yet comfortable with him in person. I spent most of the day getting up and walking around because I was uncomfortable just sitting, most of what came out of my mouth was sarcastic or I just remained quiet. I hide in sarcasm when I'm uncomfortable sometimes. Unfortunately the only way to fix this low comfort level is spending more time around him(well, as we discovered with master there are other ways to over come it quickly but that's just not an option). Thing is, I don't know why but I get nervous when I know I'll be spending time with him. Theres really no reason for it, he's a nice guy and is really protective of me so I know he wouldn't say or do anything to hurt me, but it's still there.
In all honesty, if you're not in my family(even then it's iffy at times), or master... I am uncomfortable around you. There are exceptions made to these rules but they require a lot of time spent and it has only happened with one other person. That friendship ended badly and I wouldn't want it back but I've realized tonight that I miss the bond that was there with her (the ex-friend). I for the life of me do not want to go to bed alone tonight. When her and I were friends if I was feeling like this, or even if I wasn't she spent the night here. For about two years there was pretty much always two people sleeping in my bed. I miss that, it wasn't sexual it was just comforting to wake up and be snuggled up to somebody. It was nice to not have to sleep alone when I didn't want to.
I spent all of yesterday cleaning, I spent today showering and getting ready, then spending time with a friend and curled up in the chair helping my mother with books. Tomorrow I don't know what I am going to do, I'm running out of things to do and it's way too windy to go outside.
Part of the reason I don't want to sleep alone is I haven't heard from master at all in two days and I'm starting to get that panicky feeling again. It's always unjustified but it rears its head regardless. It's been a month and a week? maybe more since I've had an actual conversation with master. I miss him, I miss him a lot. Today I've switched back and forth between feeling hollow like somebody has scooped all of my insides out to feeling like a 400 pound man is sitting on my chest, his hand wrapped around my heart trying to pop it. Lately I've just been going through the motions, I don't enjoy what I'm doing, but I don't hate it either. It just is. Seven months in total, and over a month of little to no attention from the most important person in my world is rough. I honestly feel like a valley right now. Once lush and green. Full of life and colour, plants and wildlife everywhere. All centered and relying on the stream running through it to keep everything alive. Without that stream everything dies, it nourishes and nurtures everything. I've lost my stream.
The tears I've been fighting all day finally caught up to me in that last paragraph. Damn it.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
A Present For Daddy Part 2
If you knew how much trouble I just had copying this from my word processor into here you would be amazed with my amount of patience. I hope you enjoy the second part of the story, hopfully by the third I will have thought of a better way to do this.
I was lost deep enough in my thoughts that I didn’t hear him walk back into the living room. I didn’t know he was there until his leg brushed past my shoulder and I froze for a second, fighting to stay quiet and still, I could feel the muscles in my legs starting to twitch and bit my lip harder to fight the need to move, to stretch. I concentrated on these things; my eyes studying the pattern in the carpet, my mind not convinced with the distraction. Every fibre of my being wanted to look up at him, to reach out of him, to stretching my aching legs. I strained my eyes and realized there were threads of midnight blue woven into the black carpet here and there.
Daddy’s hand wrapped around my throat and I jumped at the feel of his skin on mine. His hand brought me up to my knees, my head tilted so I was looking him in the eyes. I studied his face, revelling in the smile slowly spreading across his lips, disappearing into his beard, trimmed and suiting him perfectly; A dark contrast against his light skin. His eyes were staring straight into mine, making it impossible to lower my gaze again. I used to be uncomfortable when he did this; I used to want to wiggle under the scrutiny. Recently I had learned that it wasn’t scrutiny at all, now I knew the mind behind those eyes. I knew he wasn’t examining me, he was thinking about all the things he wanted to do to me, he was thinking that I was his and that the word “no” was not an option. I stared back into those eyes and felt things low in my stomach clench tight and an amazingly large lump form in my throat. His other hand moved to the back of my head, wrapping my hair around his fingers and pulling until my back was perfectly straight. It’s amazing how good my posture can be with a little incentive. Reaching up I placed both my hands on his arms, being near him and not be touching him was one of the hardest things I had found so far.
“You’ve been a busy little whore haven’t you?” He asked, amusement tugging at his voice.
“Yes Daddy,” I felt my own voice tremble as I answered him
He started to lift his hands up, bringing me with them. Rising carefully on the heels I stood before him and watch his eyes slowly move down my body. I took a small step back from him so he could see the entire outfit. The more of my clothing he seen the more he smiled. By the time he was done we both had smiles plastered on our faces. I loved finding outfits that pleased him, it was an art I had only recently started to understand
“That looks very nice on my little girl, too bad it wont survive long,” his words shivered along my skin raising goose bumps everywhere they touched.
My teeth sank into my lip as I stepped back towards him, close enough a hard thought would make us touch. His hand wrapped around my chain as he pulled me to him, his other hand in my hair tilting my head towards his mouth. Feeling his lips against mine I opened my mouth, Daddy rarely kissed me without tongue. There were so many things to love about him. I wasn’t fast enough for his need and his mouth crashed into mine, crushing my lips against my teeth until I was sure I could taste blood. I leaned into him, pressing back against his lips, fighting to open my mouth more to nip at him. At the first graze of my teeth his hand went from my chain to my throat, a spot that he claimed daily. He squeezed and pulled my mouth from his. I looked up at him, and put both my hands on his arm, tightening my grip as he tightened his hand. We both squeezed until he forced sounds from my throat. I’d never had anybody make me whimper before and I knew Daddy loved it. I knew what he was after every time he wrapped his hand around my throat, I knew and I always gave it to him, willingly or forced he always got what he wanted.
I was lost deep enough in my thoughts that I didn’t hear him walk back into the living room. I didn’t know he was there until his leg brushed past my shoulder and I froze for a second, fighting to stay quiet and still, I could feel the muscles in my legs starting to twitch and bit my lip harder to fight the need to move, to stretch. I concentrated on these things; my eyes studying the pattern in the carpet, my mind not convinced with the distraction. Every fibre of my being wanted to look up at him, to reach out of him, to stretching my aching legs. I strained my eyes and realized there were threads of midnight blue woven into the black carpet here and there.
Daddy’s hand wrapped around my throat and I jumped at the feel of his skin on mine. His hand brought me up to my knees, my head tilted so I was looking him in the eyes. I studied his face, revelling in the smile slowly spreading across his lips, disappearing into his beard, trimmed and suiting him perfectly; A dark contrast against his light skin. His eyes were staring straight into mine, making it impossible to lower my gaze again. I used to be uncomfortable when he did this; I used to want to wiggle under the scrutiny. Recently I had learned that it wasn’t scrutiny at all, now I knew the mind behind those eyes. I knew he wasn’t examining me, he was thinking about all the things he wanted to do to me, he was thinking that I was his and that the word “no” was not an option. I stared back into those eyes and felt things low in my stomach clench tight and an amazingly large lump form in my throat. His other hand moved to the back of my head, wrapping my hair around his fingers and pulling until my back was perfectly straight. It’s amazing how good my posture can be with a little incentive. Reaching up I placed both my hands on his arms, being near him and not be touching him was one of the hardest things I had found so far.
“You’ve been a busy little whore haven’t you?” He asked, amusement tugging at his voice.
“Yes Daddy,” I felt my own voice tremble as I answered him
He started to lift his hands up, bringing me with them. Rising carefully on the heels I stood before him and watch his eyes slowly move down my body. I took a small step back from him so he could see the entire outfit. The more of my clothing he seen the more he smiled. By the time he was done we both had smiles plastered on our faces. I loved finding outfits that pleased him, it was an art I had only recently started to understand
“That looks very nice on my little girl, too bad it wont survive long,” his words shivered along my skin raising goose bumps everywhere they touched.
My teeth sank into my lip as I stepped back towards him, close enough a hard thought would make us touch. His hand wrapped around my chain as he pulled me to him, his other hand in my hair tilting my head towards his mouth. Feeling his lips against mine I opened my mouth, Daddy rarely kissed me without tongue. There were so many things to love about him. I wasn’t fast enough for his need and his mouth crashed into mine, crushing my lips against my teeth until I was sure I could taste blood. I leaned into him, pressing back against his lips, fighting to open my mouth more to nip at him. At the first graze of my teeth his hand went from my chain to my throat, a spot that he claimed daily. He squeezed and pulled my mouth from his. I looked up at him, and put both my hands on his arm, tightening my grip as he tightened his hand. We both squeezed until he forced sounds from my throat. I’d never had anybody make me whimper before and I knew Daddy loved it. I knew what he was after every time he wrapped his hand around my throat, I knew and I always gave it to him, willingly or forced he always got what he wanted.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
The Irony of the "No Title" Post
Basically, I did not want to come up with a title, but "No Title" in itself is a title. So now that we have the irony out-of-the-way I can do the rest of the post.
The second part of the story is coming. Really; it is. The whole story is written it's just editing and adding left to do. Which, yes, means that I sent it to Master as a present unedited. In my defence by the time I was done writing it it was 5 in the morning and my brain was fried. I'm reading through this thing as I edit and am laughing at my typing mistakes. At one point I switched from "his" 's and went to "your" 's. Best part here, is I sent the story to Sephi to be read before I sent it... which in all honesty I was ready to pass out so I sent it before I got her response anyways. BUT! That little error up there... we both missed... and she had slept..kinda! So now I don't feel too bad that I had written it because it was either subtle or just flew over both of our heads. Which is obviously improbable "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means" Name that Movie! ... I'm tired.
Anyways, I plan on editing the second part tomorrow and it should be up by at least Tuesday. Ya know, unless I get horribly sidetracked.
I could do it tonight, but tonight I am revamping. What you ask? Why I'll tell you! My calorie count account. The weight needs updated, and I think I'm going to be using a couple of the features. Last time I was using it I was just checking my food and calorie burnage (is so a word!) I think I may try using the trackers and graphs.
I've also pulled out my inner nerd and have started using a spreadsheet program. And man do I wish I could remember the formulas for subtracting the numbers without having to do it manually. I am not a math person, especially early in the morning which is when I fill out my weight. I text master to tell him that I was down a pound... then I used a calculator... and it was two pounds. Seriously, not a morning person. Tomorrow marks the official restart of my diet. I'm excited. I'm motivated. I'm scared of what Master will do to me when he comes back.
Well, not really. I'm scared of disappointing him and letting him down. I want to be pretty and thinner for him(and for me of course). I want to be completely comfortable with him and I know that would help. I'm of course comfortable with him and to honest, I rarely even think about my weight around him (so many reasons to love this man!) because he just doesn't let me. It's not a big deal for him, so it's not for me when I'm with him. What is a big deal is the health consequences, he wants me healthy and around for a long time (yeah, I don't know why either...maybe for amusement purposes. Or ya know, I'm partially trained, somebody new would just require more work :) ) I know that even if I fail miserably that he may punish me, but it would be for my own good, not because he was upset of mad at me. He understands that it's hard to lose weight and he sympathizes and really is nothing but supportive. I think that's a big reason that I've been floundering (yep, thought of the fish again. Can't help it) because if I get stuck or have a bad day I would go to him and we would talk about what we could do different. Right now I just bury my head in the sand and ignore it. He was also the motivating factor in the exercise. Diet I can do okay with on my own if I set my mind to it. Exercise I don't. I hate exercise. (Not to mention between the allergies and the asthma spring and fall try to kill me so breathing is already laboured). I've just learned over the last 7 months (and the last month especially) how important he is to me, my success and my mindset. Over the last year and a half-ish time period he has been working to become my center, to be the strong point that I turn to and it has worked. Very well.
Speaking of strong point (Lightening thinking people, I tell ya! Never a dull moment!) I was reading a few blogs where they were saying that they had seen the "human side" of their masters and it threw them off base a bit. This I can somewhat understand if they hadn't seen it before. Things like being sick, worried, depressed etc. were shaking them a little. I understand how that may bother somebody and everybody has different relationships of course, different aspects shown and what not. But, that being said... I also don't understand it. I know that master is human, makes mistakes, gets sick and to be honest... I love that about him. I love that he is real with me and doesn't put up a front or I only get one side of him. I couldn't take it if all I got was the strong dominant side, I enjoy all parts of him. I guess, he's not on a pedestal as "perfect" or "unshakable" to me and I've never put anybody on that pedestal
at all so that train of thought leaves me behind. I understand the train of thought, I just don't reside on that track.
The second part of the story is coming. Really; it is. The whole story is written it's just editing and adding left to do. Which, yes, means that I sent it to Master as a present unedited. In my defence by the time I was done writing it it was 5 in the morning and my brain was fried. I'm reading through this thing as I edit and am laughing at my typing mistakes. At one point I switched from "his" 's and went to "your" 's. Best part here, is I sent the story to Sephi to be read before I sent it... which in all honesty I was ready to pass out so I sent it before I got her response anyways. BUT! That little error up there... we both missed... and she had slept..kinda! So now I don't feel too bad that I had written it because it was either subtle or just flew over both of our heads. Which is obviously improbable "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means" Name that Movie! ... I'm tired.
Anyways, I plan on editing the second part tomorrow and it should be up by at least Tuesday. Ya know, unless I get horribly sidetracked.
I could do it tonight, but tonight I am revamping. What you ask? Why I'll tell you! My calorie count account. The weight needs updated, and I think I'm going to be using a couple of the features. Last time I was using it I was just checking my food and calorie burnage (is so a word!) I think I may try using the trackers and graphs.
I've also pulled out my inner nerd and have started using a spreadsheet program. And man do I wish I could remember the formulas for subtracting the numbers without having to do it manually. I am not a math person, especially early in the morning which is when I fill out my weight. I text master to tell him that I was down a pound... then I used a calculator... and it was two pounds. Seriously, not a morning person. Tomorrow marks the official restart of my diet. I'm excited. I'm motivated. I'm scared of what Master will do to me when he comes back.
Well, not really. I'm scared of disappointing him and letting him down. I want to be pretty and thinner for him(and for me of course). I want to be completely comfortable with him and I know that would help. I'm of course comfortable with him and to honest, I rarely even think about my weight around him (so many reasons to love this man!) because he just doesn't let me. It's not a big deal for him, so it's not for me when I'm with him. What is a big deal is the health consequences, he wants me healthy and around for a long time (yeah, I don't know why either...maybe for amusement purposes. Or ya know, I'm partially trained, somebody new would just require more work :) ) I know that even if I fail miserably that he may punish me, but it would be for my own good, not because he was upset of mad at me. He understands that it's hard to lose weight and he sympathizes and really is nothing but supportive. I think that's a big reason that I've been floundering (yep, thought of the fish again. Can't help it) because if I get stuck or have a bad day I would go to him and we would talk about what we could do different. Right now I just bury my head in the sand and ignore it. He was also the motivating factor in the exercise. Diet I can do okay with on my own if I set my mind to it. Exercise I don't. I hate exercise. (Not to mention between the allergies and the asthma spring and fall try to kill me so breathing is already laboured). I've just learned over the last 7 months (and the last month especially) how important he is to me, my success and my mindset. Over the last year and a half-ish time period he has been working to become my center, to be the strong point that I turn to and it has worked. Very well.
Speaking of strong point (Lightening thinking people, I tell ya! Never a dull moment!) I was reading a few blogs where they were saying that they had seen the "human side" of their masters and it threw them off base a bit. This I can somewhat understand if they hadn't seen it before. Things like being sick, worried, depressed etc. were shaking them a little. I understand how that may bother somebody and everybody has different relationships of course, different aspects shown and what not. But, that being said... I also don't understand it. I know that master is human, makes mistakes, gets sick and to be honest... I love that about him. I love that he is real with me and doesn't put up a front or I only get one side of him. I couldn't take it if all I got was the strong dominant side, I enjoy all parts of him. I guess, he's not on a pedestal as "perfect" or "unshakable" to me and I've never put anybody on that pedestal
at all so that train of thought leaves me behind. I understand the train of thought, I just don't reside on that track.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Hmm...
I've been trying to think of 7 things you don't know about me to add to my Beautiful Blogger post and I can't seem to come up with anything interesting. Then I realized that it doesn't say 7 interesting things so nah!
1. I once dated a man who had such a horrible taste (not his come either... just in general) that to this day I gag if I think about it too hard. It put me off oral and I am fighting desperately to get it back. I used to love it and I refuse to let this "man" take that away from me. Luckily Master is more than willing to let me try whenever I want...
2. I made some amazingly yummy turkey meatballs tonight.
3. My writing and drawing muse has abandoned ever since I had a bad breakup a few years ago. This story I wrote for Daddy is the first story I have completed in 3.5 years.
4. I love Taco Time. I could eat it forever. My mom pretty much lived on it while she was pregnant with me and it seems it has carried on.
5. I once fell off a toilet. Well, not really. I went to stand up, rolled on my ankle and went head first into the wall and in an attempt not clobber myself into said wall I threw myself to the side and ended up on my ass on the floor laughing at myself. (God I hope master never starts reading here haha)
6. I lack some basic life experiences. For instance, I've never ridden a bus (aside from the school type) because I've never needed to.
7. If Master can only get one night off or plans to go back the night of my uncle's wedding I plan on leaving quite early in order to get me some bruises and fill my must have Master quota.... It's dangerously low lately people. The fact that I function is amazing! I need an "S" tattooed to my chest. Ya know, to stand for Super-duper party pooper ! or Super Woman.... I'm undecided.
1. I once dated a man who had such a horrible taste (not his come either... just in general) that to this day I gag if I think about it too hard. It put me off oral and I am fighting desperately to get it back. I used to love it and I refuse to let this "man" take that away from me. Luckily Master is more than willing to let me try whenever I want...
2. I made some amazingly yummy turkey meatballs tonight.
3. My writing and drawing muse has abandoned ever since I had a bad breakup a few years ago. This story I wrote for Daddy is the first story I have completed in 3.5 years.
4. I love Taco Time. I could eat it forever. My mom pretty much lived on it while she was pregnant with me and it seems it has carried on.
5. I once fell off a toilet. Well, not really. I went to stand up, rolled on my ankle and went head first into the wall and in an attempt not clobber myself into said wall I threw myself to the side and ended up on my ass on the floor laughing at myself. (God I hope master never starts reading here haha)
6. I lack some basic life experiences. For instance, I've never ridden a bus (aside from the school type) because I've never needed to.
7. If Master can only get one night off or plans to go back the night of my uncle's wedding I plan on leaving quite early in order to get me some bruises and fill my must have Master quota.... It's dangerously low lately people. The fact that I function is amazing! I need an "S" tattooed to my chest. Ya know, to stand for Super-duper party pooper ! or Super Woman.... I'm undecided.
Sweet Relief
I finally heard from Daddy. And by "heard" I mean I got more than one, one word text today. I actually got several, several word texts! Still with me? Kay, good.
I spent a large portion of my day begging for Master to play with me. I failed. I did not get him to play with me. I did however get an orgasm. Yes, above my orgasm rule. All this rule seems to be doing is jump starting my libido. Which would be great if I could get permission for a release. Today I ended up begging and finally just giving up and saying "I'm masturbating... a punishment would be welcome" ....seriously, when those words come out of your mouth you know you are in withdrawal of Master attention.
It's been over a month now since I heard Master's voice, even longer since we played, and weeks since I last got more than one text with more than one word in it.
Today I got that. I resisted the urge to do a happy wiggle as I sat in the chair. I happily gave in to the urge eventually.
Turns out his bosses have been around constantly so he hasn't had time to stop, and when he has .... they're around. Company housing is a lovely thing! I also had the chance to tell him that my diet and rule following has sucked and my theory on why. I apparently worded it wrong. What I mean to say was that he was the driving force with me, the thing that makes me push to do better and without that push I falter. The way I worded it caused him to apologize for being absent... and honesty, I appreciate the apology for being gone and that he cares that much but it made my heart sink.
It's not like I have this über Slave thing going on, (no cape here people!) and think he should never have to apologize for anything that he does because he's the master. That is not the case at all. If something deserves an apology (and I have accepted them from him before) then fine, but this did not deserve one. I didn't mean it in a criticizing way. I meant it in a "Ah Ha! I figured it out" "You're über important to me, see!" kind of way. I apologized and re-explained myself and he hasn't answered. But considering his boss is still around and its after 11 there I doubt I will be getting a response. My wording just sucks sometimes.
I got in to a used book store the other day. Only had a mild OCD attack looking at all the books...all over the place, strewn from room to room with little to no organization and fought the urge to arrange the place while I was there. Not gonna lie. I alphabetized every book I picked up.
I found several Laurell K Hamilton books. Most of them were hard covers.... I owned all of them. Which is making me think that I might wait a few more months and see if her two new books show up there. I did however manage to find her "never after" anthology. It was $3... I was pretty damn excited. I also found another book by Keri Arthur. She's pretty good. I couldn't find any of the poetry or such type books that I had originally wanted and I can't afford to spend $20 per book when I read them so damn fast.
Now, that is it for today because I smell coffee and it calls my name.
I spent a large portion of my day begging for Master to play with me. I failed. I did not get him to play with me. I did however get an orgasm. Yes, above my orgasm rule. All this rule seems to be doing is jump starting my libido. Which would be great if I could get permission for a release. Today I ended up begging and finally just giving up and saying "I'm masturbating... a punishment would be welcome" ....seriously, when those words come out of your mouth you know you are in withdrawal of Master attention.
It's been over a month now since I heard Master's voice, even longer since we played, and weeks since I last got more than one text with more than one word in it.
Today I got that. I resisted the urge to do a happy wiggle as I sat in the chair. I happily gave in to the urge eventually.
Turns out his bosses have been around constantly so he hasn't had time to stop, and when he has .... they're around. Company housing is a lovely thing! I also had the chance to tell him that my diet and rule following has sucked and my theory on why. I apparently worded it wrong. What I mean to say was that he was the driving force with me, the thing that makes me push to do better and without that push I falter. The way I worded it caused him to apologize for being absent... and honesty, I appreciate the apology for being gone and that he cares that much but it made my heart sink.
It's not like I have this über Slave thing going on, (no cape here people!) and think he should never have to apologize for anything that he does because he's the master. That is not the case at all. If something deserves an apology (and I have accepted them from him before) then fine, but this did not deserve one. I didn't mean it in a criticizing way. I meant it in a "Ah Ha! I figured it out" "You're über important to me, see!" kind of way. I apologized and re-explained myself and he hasn't answered. But considering his boss is still around and its after 11 there I doubt I will be getting a response. My wording just sucks sometimes.
I got in to a used book store the other day. Only had a mild OCD attack looking at all the books...all over the place, strewn from room to room with little to no organization and fought the urge to arrange the place while I was there. Not gonna lie. I alphabetized every book I picked up.
I found several Laurell K Hamilton books. Most of them were hard covers.... I owned all of them. Which is making me think that I might wait a few more months and see if her two new books show up there. I did however manage to find her "never after" anthology. It was $3... I was pretty damn excited. I also found another book by Keri Arthur. She's pretty good. I couldn't find any of the poetry or such type books that I had originally wanted and I can't afford to spend $20 per book when I read them so damn fast.
Now, that is it for today because I smell coffee and it calls my name.
Curse my wording!
I finally heard from Daddy. And by "heard" I mean I got more than one, one word texts today. I actually got several, several words texts! Still with me? Kay, good.
I spent a large portion of my day begging for Master to play with me. I failed. I did not get him to play with me. I did however get an orgasm. Yes, above my orgasm rule. All this rule seems to be doing is jump starting my libido. Which would be great if I could get permission for a release. Today I ended up begging and finally just giving up and saying "I'm masturbating... a punishment would be welcome" ....seriously, when those words come out of your mouth you know you are in withdrawl of Master attention.
It's been over a month now since I heard Master's voice, even longer since we played, and weeks since I last got more than one text with more than one word in it.
Today I got that. I resisted the urge to do a happy wiggle as I sat in the chair. I happily gave in to the urge eventually.
Turns out his bosses have been around constantly so he hasn't had time to stop, and when he has .... they're around. Company housing is a lovely thing! I also had the chance to tell him that my diet and rule following has sucked and my theory on why. I apparently worded it wrong. What I mean to say was that he was the driving force with me, the thing that makes me push to do better and without that push I falter. The way I worded it caused him to apologize for being absent... and honesty, I appreciate the apology for being gone and that he cares that much but it made my heart sink.
It's not like I have this Uber Slave thing going on, (no cape here people!) and think he should never have to apologize for anything that he does because he's the master. That is not the case at all. If something deserves an apology (and I have accepted them from him before) then fine, but this did not deserve one. I didn't mean it in a criticizing way. I meant it in a "Ah Ha! I figured it out" "You're uber important to me, see!" kind of way. I apologized and re-explained myself and he hasn't answered. But considering his boss is still around and its after 11 there I doubt I will be getting a response. My wording just sucks sometimes.
I got in to a used book store the other day. Only had a mild OCD attack looking at all the books...all over the place, strewn from room to room with little to no organization and fought the urge to arrange the place while I was there. Not good lie. I alphabitzed every book I picked up.
I found several Laurell K Hamilton books. Most of them were hard cover
I spent a large portion of my day begging for Master to play with me. I failed. I did not get him to play with me. I did however get an orgasm. Yes, above my orgasm rule. All this rule seems to be doing is jump starting my libido. Which would be great if I could get permission for a release. Today I ended up begging and finally just giving up and saying "I'm masturbating... a punishment would be welcome" ....seriously, when those words come out of your mouth you know you are in withdrawl of Master attention.
It's been over a month now since I heard Master's voice, even longer since we played, and weeks since I last got more than one text with more than one word in it.
Today I got that. I resisted the urge to do a happy wiggle as I sat in the chair. I happily gave in to the urge eventually.
Turns out his bosses have been around constantly so he hasn't had time to stop, and when he has .... they're around. Company housing is a lovely thing! I also had the chance to tell him that my diet and rule following has sucked and my theory on why. I apparently worded it wrong. What I mean to say was that he was the driving force with me, the thing that makes me push to do better and without that push I falter. The way I worded it caused him to apologize for being absent... and honesty, I appreciate the apology for being gone and that he cares that much but it made my heart sink.
It's not like I have this Uber Slave thing going on, (no cape here people!) and think he should never have to apologize for anything that he does because he's the master. That is not the case at all. If something deserves an apology (and I have accepted them from him before) then fine, but this did not deserve one. I didn't mean it in a criticizing way. I meant it in a "Ah Ha! I figured it out" "You're uber important to me, see!" kind of way. I apologized and re-explained myself and he hasn't answered. But considering his boss is still around and its after 11 there I doubt I will be getting a response. My wording just sucks sometimes.
I got in to a used book store the other day. Only had a mild OCD attack looking at all the books...all over the place, strewn from room to room with little to no organization and fought the urge to arrange the place while I was there. Not good lie. I alphabitzed every book I picked up.
I found several Laurell K Hamilton books. Most of them were hard cover
Thursday, April 1, 2010
A lovely Surprise
Tonight I sat down to do my usual creep through of blogs and I found something. I began reading Sephi's blog and found she had given me an award. Which in itself was lovely, but what got me was what she wrote about me.
"the other half of my insane personality, she suffers so beautifully for her LD owner how can I not give her this award? As long as she promises to not stick it in her pants too"
Talk about feeling special. Kinda made me love her a little bit. Thank you Sephi.
So, as I understand it I now have to pass it on to three other people. But! Before I do I have to say that in trying not to double up on people I am merely going to mention how amazing and inspiring and hilarious Sephani is, not matter what else is going on she's always there to help and that alone is award worthy. Since Seph gave Nilla the award I'd also like to say that I've really loved reading her transition and growth into a not so vanilla mom. I completely agree that she should get the award, watching somebody come into their own is always a beautiful thing.
Now, onto the three I'm giving the award to ! ... I know you're all just waiting anxiously. Hah.
Kitten's Paw Prints In Slavery - Having read her for a while now, she is a very honest blogger. She blogs about the ups of her relationship and the downs. She doesn't sugar coat things (my kind of person!) and the love she has for her dominant continues to strike me every time I read her posts.
The Healing Journey - I read her while she had a dominant and I've read her without one and will continue to do so. I am giving her this award because even though she is hurting right now, she continues to write. She is rediscovering herself, her submission and I hope, her confidence in herself. She is truly a beautiful woman and she deserves this award because this experience will only make her stronger and more beautiful. And I think more than anything she needs to know that :)
Under His Hand - This was one of the first blogs I ever read. This blog has helped me discover new things, find my limits (tits nailed to a board still scares the hell out of me! :) ) and also given me several laughs. I am giving her this award because even though she is much more hardcore than I am, she is also extremely devoted to her dominant, her service and her children. Plus she has a smart ass side that I understand fully :)
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