Toe Testing

*Peeks cautiously out from behind the veil*

I'm doing a little better as far as the Cael thing goes. He and I have talked a few times and sorted ourselves so we're comfortable with where we're going I think. And where that is is him working on himself, me healing some hurts that occurred and rebuilding the friendship and the trust therein and building relationshippy things off of that. After he's more in control of course. So it could be a while.

Which is absolutely fine. I planned on posting today but this is not the post I intended to make. I was sitting quietly in my room when my cell went off this morning. My doctor was phoning me personally (which lets face it, when a doctor phones instead of a nurse that cannot be a good sign) to set up an appointment to cut off a piece of my cervix to do a biopsy on. He told me it could just be an infection, it could be a rare side effect of the brand of birth control pills I use, or it could be cancer. Which he followed up with his very well rehearsed "Cancer is very unlikely," speech. I'm pretty scared. I've engrossed myself in reading birth control info, and biopsy info and so on all afternoon. I talked to Sephi about it and she made me laugh, she all but refuses to talk about it seriously though. Which I get, making me laugh is a lot more helpful anyways I think. And I told Cael, of course. He says he's not worried and bets I'm okay. I suspect it's either his way of dealing or trying not to worry me.  And that right there? Ends the list of people I have told. Nobody knows but them because I don't want anybody knowing. When I know for sure whats happening then, yeah. Otherwise.. I'm fine. Sephi makes me laugh and Cael makes me feel safe and ramble my fears at him. That's enough for me. Apparently it will take a week to get the biopsy done and the results back, so I'm in limbo for a week though his nurse promised to phone right away when they get them.

In the meantime? I don't know. A lot of distraction I think. Lady Di is coming over tomorrow, I've been building a deck and planting veggies and so on. More in detail post when my head isn't all scrambly. Right now I'm off to go soak in the tub and read a dirty book because I can. On second thought just a normal book. My orgasms have been eluding me unless I put myself in a mindset I don't care to be in so a dirty book? No. Plus I don't know if any of you have had a piece taken out of your vagina (Which btw, they call a clipping...like I'm some sort of plant. They can place the clipping in water and grow a new Serene..or at least a new vagina. Which I may need at this point because this one is really pissing me off.) but it hurts, and it cramps. Oh my gods the cramps. Oh how I welcome a bath right now.