Confessional

I wrote a post today. A long one too. All about Cael and I'm staying and what's happening and I published it. Then I walked out of the room and felt insanely vulnerable and unhappy with the post. So I deleted it. I just couldn't capture what I was trying to get across in it properly so I thought it best not to leave it up. Of course Cael still got it. Being that he's directly signed up to the blog in my setting he gets posts instantly. Of course he knows what I was trying to say because I've said all of it to him several times so I know with him at least he'll get it and know what I was trying to get across. He always does. *shrugs*So yes. I may try writing it again at some point but right now, I'm just drained from it and honestly a post about random things sounds really good.

First of all, I'm not dieing. There is no cancer, or infection. My doctor isn't sure what's going on in my vagina but we're working on it. He wants to switch my birth control method and test me again in a couple months to see if that fixes it. If not, it may just be natural for me *shrugs* He even asked if I was having more sex than usual because it could be a sensitivity or allergy to semen. Heh. No. I haven't had sex in.. well. A really long time. Long enough I'm not counting it in months anymore. Cael suggested it was lack of sex, that I actually needed sex to be normal. If nothing else it made me laugh :) Hopefully we'll get to try out that theory sooner than later.

I finally got to go shopping yesterday. First time in over a week. Having a teenage boy in the house.. your food diminishes quickly. It was not a cheap trip. But! I did get the stuff to make roasted salsa and it amazing good. Which, by the way I put in jars to freeze. I opened the freezer this morning and apparently some time over night some of the jars rebelled. Two had lids popped off of them. The third jar... it shattered. That was a fun wake up. Today I have bread to make.. mostly because I just wanna. I like making bread. I find it oddly soothing.

The last few days have done nothing but rain here. The first night we had tornado warnings. Two of them touched down.. on either side of us. It was a fun night. Somehow my plants managed to survive the rain, hail and wind. My tomatoes are flowering (!!!) and I seen the tips of some lettuce starting to poke up in the other garden. My basil, however is still a no show. I'm pretty much at the fuck it point and plan on buying a basil plant in the next week or so.

Other than that there isn't much going on. Family drama has irrupted in unbelievable ways. Drama llama does not even begin to cover it. It's more elephanty at this point. I've managed to bury myself in talking to Cael and reading. In four days I Think I've read six books. I bought two more of them yesterday and already finished the one. My nerd? It's showing.