Friday, May 31, 2013

Oh Me Oh My

I'm currently sitting on my couch, with my cat curled up on the very tip top of a pillow snoring away. I've been in a much better mood lately. I obviously still have the issues but they come in spurts. Some days I could peel the skin off an alligator at a hundred paces with a look I am so pissy and mixed up. Other days I channel my hippy child and embrace the "come as they will, they'll do what they do," philosophy.

Jason's been busy lately (.. I think that's what I called him last time. Seriously, I need a spreadsheet for this shit!) which just sucks but oh he makes me melt. I've had to describe him to a few people and the first word that comes to mind is sweet. He is just so sweet. Which is a complete change for me but a very welcome one. He still jokes and teases but he's probably one of the sweetest guys I know while still managing to be have dominance to him. I love it, a lot.

Lady Di is doing okay, or as okay as she can be. She went in the other day for Chemo and I haven't talked to her yet but I know she went to work so that is a definite positive.

My cat is ... old. She is so old guys. We're pretty sure she had a little stroke the other day. I've been on her like a hawk  since then.

My friend Kay got married. I wore a dress. Let that sink in yeah? I have not worn a dress since I was 5, but I did it for her. Turns out I kind of liked it. Apparently I'm a girl *gasps*  I've been more confident with my body lately, Jason's influence I think. He just makes me feel good.. in many ways heh.

I put in my yearly little gardens. Yes. plural. We added three new garden boxes that I've fallen in love with. The little pagan in me gets wholly excited when things start popping up from the ground. I've even set aside a piece of the yard where I have a wishing well and a newly added bird bath with a sun and moon in the bottom. So perfect.I plan on going down to my families land and grabbing some drift wood  and large rocks to make it pretty

Friday, May 17, 2013


Okay. Here's the deal guys... my head is fucked. To the point I'm 90% sure I need to be on meds but I'm not ready for that point yet. I'm still fighting it on my own. I need to know that I've fought and done my best and fixing and righting what's going on, on my own before getting help from meds. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being on them. I know and love several of my blogging community that are on them and are happy with their decision. I have not hit that point yet.

So what am I doing? Well, I'm cutting out stress points in my life that just don't need to be here. For a long time this blog was a stress point because I know there is people that read here that I have no interest in speaking to nor having them know what's going on. However, here is the thing... those people? In most cases they are a very large contributing factor in this mental snap. It's like over the last two years there has been soo many scary, panicky, terrifyingly soul crushing changes and upheavals that anything no matter how small has the potential to set me off into a hyperventilating mess. Some days I'm totally okay and go with the flow. Other days somebody says something and I want to punch them in the fucking throat and cackle while I do it.There are the past issues I'm working out and then there are the current issues that are pulling at the frays of my sanity. I have a 15 year old cat that is really starting to go downhill to the point I'm not sure she has more than a year left. I have a woman is like a second mother to me who recently found out she has breast cancer. These are just two examples amongst many.

So I'm going to try to write more here. I'm pushing myself in other areas this can just be one more.