Monday, October 31, 2011


Tonight as the barrier between the two realms grow thin
spirits walk amongst us again
they be family, friends and foe
pets and wild life, fishes and crow
This feast I shall leave on my doorstep all night
in my window one candle shall burn bright
to help my loved ones find their way
as they travel this eve until dawn
Bless my offering, both Lady and Lord
of breads and fruits, greens and gourds
Dark Mother your cauldron is a well of death and rebirth
Dark Father your sword both protects and annihilates
hear me now as the past year slowly dies only to be reborn again
may the good come to pass the bad be cast aside
with your divine guidance and protection, I step into the New Year.

Normally I absolutely love Samhain. This year though it just feels like another day. Yet, I will light a candle tonight. And chances are good I'll take time to reflect on the past and set future goals, things I want to improve and harvest. 
Blessed Be.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

EdenFantasys Pulls Ahead

Okay, Okay.

I know I just wrote a post about EF a few days ago but this isn't a post on sex toys...there are no vibrators or dildos to be seen in this post (Go look at them anyways though! Just looking at them is enjoyable!). Something happened that I need to write about. I received a package yesterday and something happened in shipping that hadn't before and ended up costing me money. I was not pleased. This was the first time in the year that I've been working with EdenFantasys that I wasn't happy. I was upset about the extra charge but I was more saddened because I love EF. So, first thing I did was phone UPS and see what happened. Next, I sent in a support ticket to Edens customer service (btw, did you know they have their own Customer service forum?). In the meantime I was obviously upset so I mentioned that fact on twitter.

Well, my support ticket was answered by Rachel within about an hour and a half...on a Friday no less. We must have spent a couple hours going back and forth. In the end she gave me a discount code, and is looking into shipping policies for me. She also went way above and beyond and actually gave me her individual email address to email her next time I put in an order and she'll run out to shipping and check on it for me. That is way beyond what I was expecting her to do and makes me feel even more confident about ordering from them again.

While all this was going on, I was tweeting. I think I only got two tweets out before Kristi, who runs the main account for Eden on twitter, sent me a direct message. She asked what had gone wrong and sent me a link to submit a support ticket. I have never had a company respond on twitter like that and almost instantly. The customer support? Fastest I've ever dealt with. Seriously. I recently submitted a few messages to other companies about a week ago. I still haven't heard back. Once again. EdenFantasys proves why it's one of the leading companies and definitely has the best customer service I've seen.

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Thursday, October 27, 2011

Pucker Up Baby!

Did you know that EdenFantasys is ALWAYS getting in new products?

By now I'm sure you know that Eden carries sex toys, a lot of sex toys. Thousands of sex toys. They renew them a lot. They actually have a thread on their EdenFantasys Eden Link forum called Weekly Buzz.  Obviously by the name you can tell that they post a new thread every week. What does this thread contain? Why let me tell you!

New products.

A lot of new products.

This week alone there are at least three new vibrators, several new fleshlights, a bunch of lingerie and an entire new line of products. Which I will be telling you about in a few days. These things are so gorgeous they definitely deserve their own post.

One thing I found that they recently added that I haven't seen in the weekly buzz is a lip gloss. The lip gloss is made by Kama Sutra which is a huge plus to begin with. I have yet to find a product of theirs that I don't like. The gloss is flavored and comes in mint, cherry, or strawberry and gives "sensations" which sensations I'm not sure... it doesn't list anywhere the specific feeling you get. However, it is designed to enhance your oral pleasures. I think I'd enjoy just wearing it in general. I know I for one enjoy tasting good and plan to give one of these a try soon!

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Tuesday, October 25, 2011


And he went back to meet the fox. "Goodbye" he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
"It is the time I have wasted for my rose-- "said the little prince so he would be sure to remember.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."

-The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

My rose? I miss him, and he's definitely tamed me.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Unexpected Places

I spent the morning out at my grandmothers today. Originally I had planned on not telling my grandmother about everything going on with Cael and I. Obviously I ended up telling her or I wouldn't be writing about it.

Surprisingly she actually helped mellow me out. She spent some time in the hospital for close to the same thing years ago. Just being able to talk about it and have her experience come back to me helped. Things I was bothered by she justified instantly without even knowing him which isn't something she does.

For the first time in a while I've actually mellowed. She just reaffirmed everything I thought and knew and made me even more certain than ever that I belong with him and should wait for him. Not that I ever doubted it, but it was good.

Saturday, October 22, 2011


Well, if you read my last post you know that yesterday was rough. Really fucking rough. It was the worst day I've had since Cael has been away.

I started out not bad in the morning, just a little touchy. By the time Sephi came home from work I was in full out fucking panic mode. I was shaky, I was getting cold and hot flashes, my stomach was upset to the point I was almost sick, and I was fighting tears back and losing. My head got going and I just dissolved. I became totally uncunted. She managed to calm me down a bit though. She shared with me something Cael had told her months ago about how he didn't want to be like B and worked to make sure I knew that. That right there? Helped a lot. Because in the end I think that is where most of this panic comes from. Sure having him gone is hard as fucking hell, but that pure terror that B planted in me is only making it worse. Especially since  they both kind of just went away. Some days that panic wells up and it feels the same. My logic always over rules me eventually because I KNOW Cael is not even close to the asshole that B was and would never do that to me sometimes that gets lost in the sea of panic. Sephi telling me that yesterday helped me find it again. It was terrifying. I have NEVER lost it this bad since he's been gone. This was the first time I really broke down and I think part of me needed that. I've been functioning on autopilot most of the time and maybe now that I've had the break down and had my logic over rules it it wont be as traumatic anymore. Hope is a sadistic bitch by the way :)

I seem to be doing better today. Not as manic. Since he's been gone I've been working a bit on my issues but I think I'm going to devote more attention to it. I'm not sure how exactly I plan to fix them but knowing they're there is a start. And I'll keep working them even when he comes out because they don't help either of us and they don't help us together. Lets face it, together is really the important thing here. It's what keeps me going. So, I'm off to do some cooking and some thinking. Which will of course be of him, no matter how hard I try not to it always circles back to him. Can't help it. I luff him to pieces :)

Friday, October 21, 2011

Slippery Slope

It's been weeks since he's been away and I haven't done too badly. I was messy but I held it together.

Today I totally broke down.

I'm off to bed.

Today? It sucks.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Save Your Ta-Tas Baby!

Well, I don't know if you've been living under a rock, in a cave or up in a tree with no power and refused to leave.

But ya know, in case you weren't aware I'll tell you.


It's breast cancer month.

No really, it is.

Breast cancer awareness if absolutely everywhere. There are grocery stores that have the iconic pink ribbons in the windows, or the flower shops with the ribbon on the flower paper. It doesn't matter where you go there are pink ribbons everywhere.

EdenFantasys is definitely doing it's part as well. This month they are hosting several articles about breast cancer on Eden Cafe. I myself submitted an article about early detection for the whole body not just for breast cancer. There have been several articles posted already that are heartfelt reminders to have yourself checked. They're also hosting a video contest which is now closed for entries but you can still go vote and have a say in who wins. They are giving away prizes for the top three videos.

EdenFantasys is taking a topic that is heartbreaking and painfully sad and making it fun for people to take part in. Which to me is a huge deal, if you make something a daunting task then nobody will want to do it. Make it fun and have people able to win prizes for promoting awareness? They are more likely to do it.

My family has been touched by cancer. Not breast cancer but still cancer and I know that the more awareness we have the more people know. The more they know the faster they may be able to catch the cancer before it spreads.

So once again, EdenFantasys is going above and beyond what a sex shop is.

On another topic? I currently have a whole box of bath products on its way to me. I promise to take pictures comparing the bath salts. I already love the kama sutra but I've never tried the shunga. There is also a bottle of bubble bath coming. I'm going to smell awesome!

EdenFantasys supports Breast cancer Awareness - Show your Ta-Tas Some Love

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Bound To Please?

It's Goodvibes time again!

Recently they sent me the Neoprene Restraints by Bound To Please. They are a multipurpose cuff made obviously of neoprene.

First we'll get the specs out of the way shall we? According to the product page these bondage restraints are 10” around,  and 1 ¾” wide. These are large cuffs. For use on wrists I do not see anybody that these could be too small for. You MAY (and that is a huge unlikely "may") have space between each edge of neoprene if you are a bigger person. To be honest though, I'm not tiny or small boned and these things wrap around my wrist and overlap quite a bit. For ankles, again you may have some space between neoprene edges but they should fit anybody comfortably.

Not long ago I purchased a wrist cuff set made by a leather company where I'm from. I love those cuffs. So these neoprene cuffs, to be honest I didn't expect to like them. I mean come on! I have leather cuffs with gorgeous D rings in them. How can anybody improve that?!

Well let me tell you, these are now my official ankle cuffs at night and wrist cuffs during the day when I'm cooking. Why? They are SO comfortable. They're soft and smooth and vaguely plushy so they are perfect for sleeping in. They're just right for being a constant reminded without bruising around my ankle bones like the metal ankle cuffs can do. They're neoprene...for those that don't know, that is what wet suits are made out of. At least the ones I've seen. It is waterproof. So if you like bath or water play you're covered! If you just wear them around the house, water splashing while you cook or clean, or if you wear them out when it rains you wont have any problems. 

The clips on these cuffs are a "claw" clip which is really cool, they're a lot hard to wreck than some of the other clips. I have pretty thoroughly tested these things. I yanked as hard as I could on the clip to see if it'll rip out, I've pulled on each end of the cuff, I've even clipped them together and tried to jerk them apart. I haven't been able to break them.

The only issue I've had with these cuffs is when I wear them on my ankles and walk around. The clip jingles, which if you're trying to be will fail. You can however cut it out if you don't intend to use them for bondage, or you can tape them down. If you just play in the bedroom and don't wear them outside of it, you're good to go!

Secret sub tip? If your dom clips them together or to something else you can twist enough you can reach the clip and unclip yourself and run. Not that any of you would do that right? :P 

These are great for people new to BDSM or just wanting to experiment. They're easy to get out of and light weight. They aren't intimidating. I'm not new but I still love these cuffs. Thanks to goodvibes for the opportunity to review them!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Cla(m)p On! Cla(m)p Off!

Goodvibes being the wonderful company that they are sent me a set of nipple clamps.

You will understand the love/hate relationship with this particular toy if you've ever had a set of clamps. The site states they are " 2” long by 1” wide (5cm x 2.5cm) when fully closed; chain is 18” long (45.7cm)" They're a fair size, I don't see them not being able to accommodate anybody.

The "prongs" on this nipple clamp set are... well they're evil. They are coated in the typical rubber type material. However, they aren't just slid over the tips they are actually "painted" on so they don't come off. Which is a HUGE plus. I am forever losing the little black pieces from my previous set of clamps, that will never happen with these. Now for the evil parts, in order to take these off? You have to squeeze them tighter. Also? they're hooked. They don't just come to a point or edge like tweezer clamps. They come to an end and then turn in to provide a flat piece to grip the skin better I assume. Thing is, the edges of these dig in a bit. Which in the long run isn't a big deal. If you've worn clamps before you know that for extended wear they dig in anyways, these just start early. So, for extended wear you would have to keep adjusting them or be prepared that these ones will hurt more than average when you take them off.

For me, this isn't a huge thing. I get a more intense sensation faster. The more pressure I feel on my nipples the faster I reach orgasm so this for me is a plus. Faster climax = more climaxes. The longest I've been able to wear these was around 50 minutes and they HURT when they came off, but it was a good hurt that I felt for a while afterwards :)

Once again, another awesome product. I am really starting to love goodvibes!

Friday, October 7, 2011


I woke up early this morning in a panic. I had a dream that Cael came back and decided he was leaving me. I literally woke up in a panic crying. That fear is holding on today, I can't seem to shake it. I'm attributing it to my period.

I can't wait for him to come back and for me to move.

Even more so now.

Especially since I got a letter today saying I'm being pulled off my parents insurance and benefits.. I've been expecting it for a while. I've been looking for a job for months. Problem is it needs to be full time so I get the benefits or it fucks me and end up actually costing me money to work. Now? It sounds like I'm totally fucked either way. Cael and I have talked about putting me on his benefit plan when I move..which means more to me than almost anything he could have done..I've worried about this since I was 16.

Today, has just sucked. I want my master back.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Happy Happy Joy Joy

I am baking. I am baking buns, and bread for stuffing and pies... and a lasagna but the lasagna is for tonight. I am essentially still keeping myself busy.

Plus side?

1. I got to beat up dough.
2. I'm finally getting this baking thing right.
3. I got myself a new stock pot.
4. I got myself a new roaster.

I'm doing all of this to keep my mind busy but you know what? Everything I make I think "He'd like this!" or "I'll have to save this recipe to make for master"  You think I'd know by now that he is just ever present for me. Wouldn't have it any other way though :)

Saturday, October 1, 2011


I know I owe a post today, but I just don't feel like it. I spent all day trying to keep myself busy so I couldn't stop and get in my head but it didn't work. I thought about him the whole time I was baking, when I made supper, when I cleaned, when I bathed and now.

Gods I miss him.

I'm off to go have a little cry and read.

Ugly Bugly Curl & Tug

What? When you're in a fragile state you can get away with saying those kinds of things!

I have an odd topic, very odd.

I want to talk to you about ugly things. Physically ugly things, that is.

You see, I recently purchased a new vibrator from EdenFantasys. If you've been to their site you know that it is set up in a sleek, modern and eye catching way. The colors, pink and green, compliment each other yet aren't overbearing. It is a very pretty site.

The toys on the site itself are quite pretty as well. There are glass toys with flowers set in the heads/bases, or swirls and colors done so well that you could leave the toy sitting out and nobody would think much of it. There are even ones that look like octopus tentacles. There are beautifully colored and designed silicone dildos, and some gorgeous vibrators made out of many different materials.

So what's my point in tell you all of this? Well, I got an ugly vibrator the other day. It's red and clear rubber type material. The clarity of it isn't that good though. It's just not a pretty toy. But ya know what? It's awesome. So often people are pulled in by the pretty toys, looking more at the way the toy is shaped..if it's odd somehow thus making it cool, or if it's colored differently. This toy though? It doesn't rely on it beauty to draw you in. It's just a damn good vibrator! The vibrations are deep and fulfilling without being buzzy or irrating and IT'S RECHARGEABLE!!

Plus right now EdenFantasys is having a huge sale, 20% off women's toys. Go check it out!

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