Saturday, June 29, 2013


So, due to a change in TOS of the blogger site.. I have had to move my blog. Yet again. I am not impressed. At all. So, everyone please follow me on over to my new site and change your bookmarks and blog lists as well.

Note: I am still in the process of moving everything so it doesn't look finished yet and I don't have any of my ads or buttons up but it's coming.

Friday, June 7, 2013

It's Raining Men

First off I'd like to say thank you to everybody that has sent me emails about the last couple of posts. The support and love shown does mean a lot. Secondly, I'd like to clear something up. Some of you emailed me stating that I was just being stubborn and I needed the pills and there was nothing wrong with that and that I was pushing the stereotypical view of pills.Yeah. Ya'll can kindly fuck off with that. I did not say that at all. I know several people that meds work for and have made their lives 100x better. That's awesome. What I said was that I was not ready to go on them and that if I got to the point that I couldn't manage myself anymore then I would take them. They are a last resort for me because my family has a history of not doing well with meds like this. Each person is different but there is a precedent so if I can take care of myself without them, then I will. So far so good.

Now, on to new things.

What's new you ask? Well, first of all my last living great grandparents passed away. While I care because she was family, I also am not touched by it at all. I met her twice and she was very unpleasant both times and has treated my side of the family like shit for years. The funeral is about 8 hours away. I planned on going but my grandmother decided to inform me she didn't want me going. Yep. This? Is why I stick with my family of choice. Both sides of my family pull a lot of BS and quite honestly... who has the time for that? Not I. So, my father is going by himself. I am staying home and getting some stuff in the gardens done and possibly going to see Kay for a while on Saturday. I'm much happier with this option anyhow.

My friend Aaron that I've known since grade one got himself arrested the other day. I love him dearly but sometimes... I just want to clock him one. He's been pretty quiet since it happened though. I think it shook him pretty hard.

Right now I'm sitting out on the deck with a glass of water and fresh mint from the garden. It's been raining like crazy for the last couple of weeks so everything is sprouting and growing. Makes my inner pagan dance with joys.And now? I'm off to make breakfast...fruit and something protein filled a think. *sage nod*

Friday, May 31, 2013

Oh Me Oh My

I'm currently sitting on my couch, with my cat curled up on the very tip top of a pillow snoring away. I've been in a much better mood lately. I obviously still have the issues but they come in spurts. Some days I could peel the skin off an alligator at a hundred paces with a look I am so pissy and mixed up. Other days I channel my hippy child and embrace the "come as they will, they'll do what they do," philosophy.

Jason's been busy lately (.. I think that's what I called him last time. Seriously, I need a spreadsheet for this shit!) which just sucks but oh he makes me melt. I've had to describe him to a few people and the first word that comes to mind is sweet. He is just so sweet. Which is a complete change for me but a very welcome one. He still jokes and teases but he's probably one of the sweetest guys I know while still managing to be have dominance to him. I love it, a lot.

Lady Di is doing okay, or as okay as she can be. She went in the other day for Chemo and I haven't talked to her yet but I know she went to work so that is a definite positive.

My cat is ... old. She is so old guys. We're pretty sure she had a little stroke the other day. I've been on her like a hawk  since then.

My friend Kay got married. I wore a dress. Let that sink in yeah? I have not worn a dress since I was 5, but I did it for her. Turns out I kind of liked it. Apparently I'm a girl *gasps*  I've been more confident with my body lately, Jason's influence I think. He just makes me feel good.. in many ways heh.

I put in my yearly little gardens. Yes. plural. We added three new garden boxes that I've fallen in love with. The little pagan in me gets wholly excited when things start popping up from the ground. I've even set aside a piece of the yard where I have a wishing well and a newly added bird bath with a sun and moon in the bottom. So perfect.I plan on going down to my families land and grabbing some drift wood  and large rocks to make it pretty

Friday, May 17, 2013


Okay. Here's the deal guys... my head is fucked. To the point I'm 90% sure I need to be on meds but I'm not ready for that point yet. I'm still fighting it on my own. I need to know that I've fought and done my best and fixing and righting what's going on, on my own before getting help from meds. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being on them. I know and love several of my blogging community that are on them and are happy with their decision. I have not hit that point yet.

So what am I doing? Well, I'm cutting out stress points in my life that just don't need to be here. For a long time this blog was a stress point because I know there is people that read here that I have no interest in speaking to nor having them know what's going on. However, here is the thing... those people? In most cases they are a very large contributing factor in this mental snap. It's like over the last two years there has been soo many scary, panicky, terrifyingly soul crushing changes and upheavals that anything no matter how small has the potential to set me off into a hyperventilating mess. Some days I'm totally okay and go with the flow. Other days somebody says something and I want to punch them in the fucking throat and cackle while I do it.There are the past issues I'm working out and then there are the current issues that are pulling at the frays of my sanity. I have a 15 year old cat that is really starting to go downhill to the point I'm not sure she has more than a year left. I have a woman is like a second mother to me who recently found out she has breast cancer. These are just two examples amongst many.

So I'm going to try to write more here. I'm pushing myself in other areas this can just be one more.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Freak Like Me

Are you all a freak like me? A Fleshlight Freak that is. Lately I've gotten more and more into just a standard dildo. Vibrations are awesome but sometimes something more life like goes a lot further for me. These toys are all made from silicone making them body safe. They are also able to be sanitized by boiling them in a pot of water which is always a must if you're going to be sharing this toy without a condom. The silicone itself is typical quality in that it's flexible but also strong enough for heavy thrusting.

My ultimate goal is to collect the whole line of toys (Gotta catch 'em all! heh.) and have them on display because they do have an amazing amount of detail. Now, because I am a firm believer in not having toys just because they look cool, they also have to function well at their job. I mean if you have a beautiful toy on display on a shelf it's nice.. but.. it's a dust collector. For me they have to meet their required function.

I was sent the Alien dildo and it by far meets it's function...primary directive to infiltrate the human form. What? These things are just awesomely punny!The box is arrived in was fairly large and it showed the Alien on the side as well as the rest of the line on the back. So, this isn't a very discreet box but if you're having it shipped to you it comes in a standard cardboard box anyways so that shouldn't be a problem.

The measurements of this toy are pretty impressive. This is definitely a toy for a size queen. It is over 7 inches long, about 6 of that being insertable. A circumference of over 5 inches with a diameter of 2. This is not a small toy. Here is it in comparison to the Tantus Cush (L 7'' , C 5.5'', D 1 3/4'')

Obviously this toy has some girth. What I didn't expect was the smooth feeling when it's inserted. Yes you can feel a bit of the detailing on it but it's done subtly enough and soft enough that it doesn't take on that irritating feeling that a lot of heavily detailed toys can have. For me, this is definitely a lube toy. I hate lube, I generally don't use it for anything other than anal toys but this one did need a little lube to go in comfortably. Of course that force of the girth in the this toy without lube can be appealing to those of us with masochistic tendencies and it does both beautifully.

I've began to use this toy when I want to be overwhelmed. There are many different types of orgasm and the ones I get from the average sized toys are good but they take time to draw them out. This toy for me falls into the overwhelm me category in that it does exactly what I've stated. It's wide enough that it overwhelms all the nerve endings inside of me and sets me off fairly quickly with no warming. It's just suddenly there.

The only complaint that I have about this toy is that it would be a lot easier to use if it had a loop on the end or a larger base on the other side of the testicles. I find that once inserted it can be a little hard to thrust because of the girth/drag ratio. The shaft of this toy is also curved just a tiny bit in the center and because of that it makes it uncomfortable to flip the top upside down and use the testicles as the handle.

Other than that this is definitely a start to a very promising and pleasurable collection. Thanks EdenFantasys!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Back Into The Swing Prep

Yanked from Mama Slave Kaya

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Open.I have a cat that likes to sleep in closets and I don't want to lock her in, plus I have my stereo inside of it and most of my necklaces displayed. The rest hang off of an eagle figurine with wolves painted on the wings. On top of that it just makes my room feel cozier for some reason. Not so closed off. I don't like feeling closed off. 
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
Nope. I have curly picky hair. Very rarely do I even use what's there let alone take it home. If I'm staying in one I bring my little jars to use.

3. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
No.Where I live doesn't seem to be as coupon crazy as the US.Very rarely do we get coupons. Just lots of sales. 
4. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Bees. I live near the mountains. My family has farm land. My father hunts. I'm not allergic to bees so I'll take them. I know very well the chances of surviving a bear attack. Quite honestly I'd choose Russian Roulette over a bear, especially a female with cubs.

5. Do you always smile for pictures?
No.But then I Rarely take pictures. I hide from them if I can.
6. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Right now? People just taking my stuff or moving it/putting it back in the wrong spots. 
7. What size is your bed?
8. What’s your least favorite movie?
Anything religion/doom day based. I hate that shit. 
9. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
10. What is your favorite food?
Of all time, tacos.. even a taco salad gets me all skippy. Right now though it's sushi.. I'm on a kick yo. (Oh look, sephi brainwashing shows itself again!)
11. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Cartoons/animated movies.
12. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
I was a Brownie for a couple years because that's what my friends were into and I was tired of sitting around alone every Wednesday. I hated that. 
13. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Probably, yeah.
14. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
Haha, probably a letter to santa when I was five. I rarely even write emails let alone actual letters. 
15. Favorite kind of sandwich?
Gorgeous, chewy seasoned bread with turkey and chicken then loaded with veg: lettuce, tomato, cucumber, peppers... all of it.
16. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
It depends. Eating disorder days my breakfast is a meal replacement shake because that's all I can stomach. Generally though it's fresh fruit or oatmeal. Occasionally I'll have eggs.  
17. What is your usual bedtime?
Generally in bed for around 10. Don't sleep until 12 or later usually though. 
18. Are you lazy?
Everybody is lazy sometimes. 
19. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
20. Do you sing in the car?
Yes. And in the kitchen and living room or wherever I am when an awesome song plays.
21. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Wal-Mart. We don't have the other two. 
22. What’s your favorite color?
Deep purple/deep red. They're even.
23. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
In. I can't stand it when my blankets move and get messy .. they must be tucked! 
24. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No.. I really don't see the point in that. 
25. Do you like to use post-it notes?
Not really anymore. I use them on my computer and phone as in the app but the actual ones.. no. I tend to write them and then walk away and forget they're there. Makes them useless.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Chunky Dunking

Well, I am back. I have my gorgeous new laptop... a sexy, black, sleek stud if I do say so myself. I'm calling him Horris for now. It's an undecided name.



Technically I got my computer probably..  5ish days ago. And I haven't blogged. I've opened this window.. so many times I've lost count. I've typed.. I've typed a lot. Then I close the window and delete the post.Sephi made the point that I need to just jump back into writing, that it wont get better if I do not at least write dunking. I have a lot of shit going on in my head right now guys. Scary shit. Shit that has literally scared me. I am not ready to march those demons out for everybody right now. From the little leprechaun sized guy right up to the fucking Ring Wraiths. I type it out.. and I find more hidden corners, more dark cobwebby places that I'm not sure if they're new or if they've always existed and I never had a name for them until now. But the important part is even if I'm not talking about them here.. I am talking about them. I talk to Sephi, and I talk to Beardsley, and Jason. And lately.. I've been talking to C again and let him see a bit of them. (I have mentioned him before as a friend that randomly disappears but I don't have the time or give a shit to go find what I called him so he will now and forever be known as C.)I'm also working on them, and trying to work through them even if it is a panic inducing endeavor. I'm not saying I will never talk about them here, but for now.. I just can't get them out yet.

In other news I went shopping today. I was actually looking forward to it which is a huge thing lately. I got myself a valentines present too, because I'm loving myself this year damn it and not in just a dirty way anymore. I came home with 12 new kinds of tea. I am on a huge tea kick lately. I came home with 12.. but they joined about 30 that are already here. Most of them loose tea from a Canadian tea company. I also grabbed a few new a size much smaller than I'm used to wearing both because of weight loss and refusing to hide myself in baggy clothing anymore. I needed some new jeans but feck me! I found out I can now fit in a size smaller than I thought I could.. but I cannot under any circumstances deal with jeans that are just too short for my body. Any pair I tried on today were either too big (FUCKING SCORE) or fit in the waist awesomely but the legs were too short -.-  . After that? I grabbed some sushi for dinner.. because I am awesome and deserve to spoil myself now and then  as opposed to never like before.

Christmas was good.. I made the dinner and had people here. It was nice.. a lot less stress than family gatherings usually are because I controlled the guest list. Yes. I am that bitch that deliberately did not invite you to Christmas with the rest of your family.. because it is my home and I get to choose who to let in and who I want to deal with. You wouldn't have been comfortable anyways... as is usual with the group I chose to let in the night degenerated into hilarity when the sex toys were stuck to walls and pickle jar lids because my cousin things he can freak me out with sex shit. I. Fucking. Win.

Before Christmas it was Lady Di's birthday who is now officially divorced from my uncle. We spent the night out. I got hit on.. by a very cute boy who told me I was beautiful and decided to pet me.. silly man.. subs loves them some pets!

And that ladies and gentlemen is what I am calling that for my first post back.