*crickets*

Okay. Here's the deal guys... my head is fucked. To the point I'm 90% sure I need to be on meds but I'm not ready for that point yet. I'm still fighting it on my own. I need to know that I've fought and done my best and fixing and righting what's going on, on my own before getting help from meds. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being on them. I know and love several of my blogging community that are on them and are happy with their decision. I have not hit that point yet.

So what am I doing? Well, I'm cutting out stress points in my life that just don't need to be here. For a long time this blog was a stress point because I know there is people that read here that I have no interest in speaking to nor having them know what's going on. However, here is the thing... those people? In most cases they are a very large contributing factor in this mental snap. It's like over the last two years there has been soo many scary, panicky, terrifyingly soul crushing changes and upheavals that anything no matter how small has the potential to set me off into a hyperventilating mess. Some days I'm totally okay and go with the flow. Other days somebody says something and I want to punch them in the fucking throat and cackle while I do it.There are the past issues I'm working out and then there are the current issues that are pulling at the frays of my sanity. I have a 15 year old cat that is really starting to go downhill to the point I'm not sure she has more than a year left. I have a woman is like a second mother to me who recently found out she has breast cancer. These are just two examples amongst many.

So I'm going to try to write more here. I'm pushing myself in other areas this can just be one more.