Well, I am back. I have my gorgeous new laptop... a sexy, black, sleek stud if I do say so myself. I'm calling him Horris for now. It's an undecided name.
Technically I got my computer probably.. 5ish days ago. And I haven't blogged. I've opened this window.. so many times I've lost count. I've typed.. I've typed a lot. Then I close the window and delete the post.Sephi made the point that I need to just jump back into writing, that it wont get better if I do not at least write something..so..chunky dunking. I have a lot of shit going on in my head right now guys. Scary shit. Shit that has literally scared me. I am not ready to march those demons out for everybody right now. From the little leprechaun sized guy right up to the fucking Ring Wraiths. I type it out.. and I find more hidden corners, more dark cobwebby places that I'm not sure if they're new or if they've always existed and I never had a name for them until now. But the important part is even if I'm not talking about them here.. I am talking about them. I talk to Sephi, and I talk to Beardsley, and Jason. And lately.. I've been talking to C again and let him see a bit of them. (I have mentioned him before as a friend that randomly disappears but I don't have the time or give a shit to go find what I called him so he will now and forever be known as C.)I'm also working on them, and trying to work through them even if it is a panic inducing endeavor. I'm not saying I will never talk about them here, but for now.. I just can't get them out yet.
In other news I went shopping today. I was actually looking forward to it which is a huge thing lately. I got myself a valentines present too, because I'm loving myself this year damn it and not in just a dirty way anymore. I came home with 12 new kinds of tea. I am on a huge tea kick lately. I came home with 12.. but they joined about 30 that are already here. Most of them loose tea from a Canadian tea company. I also grabbed a few new shirts..in a size much smaller than I'm used to wearing both because of weight loss and refusing to hide myself in baggy clothing anymore. I needed some new jeans but feck me! I found out I can now fit in a size smaller than I thought I could.. but I cannot under any circumstances deal with jeans that are just too short for my body. Any pair I tried on today were either too big (FUCKING SCORE) or fit in the waist awesomely but the legs were too short -.- . After that? I grabbed some sushi for dinner.. because I am awesome and deserve to spoil myself now and then as opposed to never like before.
Christmas was good.. I made the dinner and had people here. It was nice.. a lot less stress than family gatherings usually are because I controlled the guest list. Yes. I am that bitch that deliberately did not invite you to Christmas with the rest of your family.. because it is my home and I get to choose who to let in and who I want to deal with. You wouldn't have been comfortable anyways... as is usual with the group I chose to let in the night degenerated into hilarity when the sex toys were stuck to walls and pickle jar lids because my cousin things he can freak me out with sex shit. I. Fucking. Win.
Before Christmas it was Lady Di's birthday who is now officially divorced from my uncle. We spent the night out. I got hit on.. by a very cute boy who told me I was beautiful and decided to pet me.. silly man.. subs loves them some pets!
And that ladies and gentlemen is what I am calling that for my first post back.