Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Keeping busy has completely failed. Anything I try to do ends up either falling through, not materializing or I just don't have the mental capacity to accomplish it right now and end up getting upset and pissed off.

I still haven't heard from Cael and I seem to be straddling that thin line between being upset but still functioning and being a complete wreck. It's hitting me really hard this time and I'm not sure. I think part of it may just be because things have be insane the last couple weeks and it's just added on to that as well as the sub drop from having to come home and be without him physically. Having to be without him in every way just seems to be absolutely shit kicking me. For instance I'm bawling right now. I'm bawling at the drop of a fucking hat the last couple days. I'm easily irritated. Instantly bitchy when I wake up. My ability to focus is absolute shit, I forget what I'm doing one minute to the next and if it isn't something easy that I pick up on the first time I try I get agitated and teary. I tried signing into an account and fucked up the log in or pass on it and it upset me. Just stupid stuff. Like I said, I'm not dealing so well with the silence this time.

I'm thinking too much, my mind is going dark places. If I was closer to my period I'd say it's a case of monstrous PMS but I'm weeks from that. *shrug*  I'm just feeling off and I don't even think all of it is Cael stuff. My mind is just going a mile a minute and none of it is good stuff. It doesn't matter what topic I think about I'm twisting it. I'm in one of those curl up with a movie, a blanket and some cuddles moods. Which, brings us back to Cael. Sigh. Not only is my mind going dark but it's working in circles. This mood.. I am over it.

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