Place To Be

Since wandering onto the EdenFantasys website I've been searching. Searching for what? A toy? A candle? A mythical piece of lingerie?

No. I've been searching other sites. Other toy sites, other sex positives sites. I've even had things shipped to me from these other sites and you know what? EdenFantasys wins out.

Not just for their selection, or their easy to navigate website. No, for their people. I love the people on EF.

As you know I've submitted an article or two to Eden Cafe through Carrie Ann. And you know what? She is helpful, and nice and answered all my questions and is just all around awesome.

I've activated the affiliate program through Kris and then helped Sephi activate hers... and every question I had for her she answered within minutes and went above and beyond explaining past my questions.

And then there's Jenn. She's the first person I had contact with through EF, and she is really all kinds of awesome. She runs the ambassador program and has been peppered with my questions and hasn't told me I'm bothering her once and always answers quickly. We've talked about every day stuff and she's always friendly, and she's offered to try to up my ambassador gift cards eventually...without me asking.

Every person on EF helps improve the experience, and make it the only place I want to order from.

Hiatus

Hiatus :  Noun: A pause or gap in a sequence, series, or process.

I wont be around for a bit. It could be a couple of days, a week, or maybe even two. I don't know. I'll be back when I can write here again and have something to say. I'll be back when this stuff with Cael is either solved or not so damn terrifying anymore. Maybe when we find out what's happening I'll need somewhere to write about it and will be back. It's all up in the air right now.

But I will be back.

Right now I need to focus on myself, on Cael, on pushing forward and making sure we'll be okay. That's where I need to be centered. That's where I'll be.

Because he means the world to me.

Because I worry about him.

Because I can take his anger and frustration and know it's coming from somewhere else.

Because I hate the word "luff" yet use it everyday for him because that's all I'm permitted to say and can't not say it.

Because he owns me, every part of me.

That's where I'll be.

P.S. EdenFantasys post will probably continue unless I shut them off. They are scheduled a few weeks in advance. That is if I'm gone that long.

P. P. S. Over the last while I've received comments and emails. A lot of emails. They're concerned I'm in an abusive relationship, some more persistent than others. Some out right rude that I have banned immediately without posting the comment or reading further in the email.  That will be done when I return. There will be a disclaimer put up, and anybody that goes against it will more than likely be blocked from commenting or my receiving their mail. I'm tired of it. Tired of reiterating. Tired of being called naive and stupid. Yes, YOU who sends me several emails a day has ruined it for anybody else with good intentions that isn't a ginormous cunt. Congrats. 

You Put Your Arms Around Me & I'm Home

Today I don't have much to say. What I want to talk about is something I'm not ready to post about. Part of the same thing that I wasn't ready to post about before.

Because of TTWTA (That Thing I Wont Talk About) Cael isn't coming down right now. Maybe not be able to for quite a while. Which really sucks. A lot. But I think if we've learned anything from the last few years it's that I'm willing to wait and he is so worth it. He means the world to me and I luff him to pieces, giving up now is so not an option. I'm not going anywhere, even if he tries to get rid of me :) Right now I'm doing my best to be supportive, to try to make things easier, or at least not any harder. Of course I want him here, but I am willing to wait. When he does finally make it down there will be back scratches and lots of sleeping. I want to take care of him, and since I can't do it now chances are I will when we're finally around each other. This is just yet another reasons I SHOULD MOVE. *ahem*

Other than that there isn't much to report. My back is doing better, I was finally able to bend enough to shave. Thank fuck. I hate not shaving. Hate it.  My skin is currently rebelling. Between the random stresses and skipping my mandatory bleed to death week this month. It is the suck.

And just because I like this song, and it's hitting home lately for obvious reasons so I thought I'd share it  :



I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close...

You put your arms around me and I'm home

Bonus

Bonus

As a bonus post I bring to you a number of questions I've been asked later, both from the blog and in real life.

1. What's your ideal date?

By far staying in, curling an d

Drug Induced Ramblings

I've managed to hurt myself. I'm sure you're all shocked. I can feel it *nods*. Yet again I've managed to sleep wrong and then twist myself and hurt my back. It's not quite as bad as last time. I'm still able to move and walk around. Any time before this I pinched that nerve and my entire body locked up. Thus, no moving at all. Laying in bed for a week afraid to even blink. So, I am thankful for the mobility. I'm trying not to take a muscle relaxer today, instead I've taken an aleve pill. Though I do see a relaxer in my future.

I did go grocery shopping yesterday despite the pain. The walking helped a bit, even if I was being passed by turtles and the odd snail. I also stopped and picked up some colored sand. I wanted black, but ended up with a purpley - grey type color instead. It's sitting in a vase with a large red pillar candle in it. Thus why the black would have looked awesome, but oh well. I do plan to get a few other vases/dishes and do the same or have black rock with flowers in it. Essentially I know I'm stuck here for a while so instead of keeping the bare minimum around I'm making the space I have into something I like. I have a couple of pieces I want put up on my walls; a piece of soap stone with shadowed wolves on it and an eagle with its wings outspread and paintings of wolves on them. I already have a band mirror, an Edward Scissorhands drawing and a print up. My walls need painted though, badly. They haven't been done in ten years or more and when they were done my mother and grandmother did them pink and put up a teddy bear border around the room. Yes. I was impressed -.- .  Plus when my brother was younger he spent a lot of time in my room, trying to destroy it. I have random patches of spray glitter that just wont come off and random marks from pens, felts, glue, tape, etc. But he left his room alone, because he's an ass like that. I've scrubbed the walls and still these marks remain and I suspect greatly that I will have to live with them until I move.

Caels been quiet lately. He's been busy with family and friends and it's starting to get to him. He's a lot like I am. He likes staying home, and not having a bunch of people around so it's understandable. I'd be irritated by now too. Living together should take some getting used to I think :) .

Other than that I don't have much else to say. I had other things but they've currently deserted me. So for now, I'm curled up in my chair with my heating pad (seriously contemplating an electric blanket now) and fighting to stay awake. Damn drugs.

Whole Lotta Nothin'

I actually don't have much to say. Things are still going well with Cael. He's still pushing the exercise and my rules and I'm following along. I've exercised everyday for about a week now. I've got a few aches but nothing on a large-scale. I did however go down a few pounds, but since it's a few from the same 10 pounds I keep cycling through I'm not getting excited until I drop down below that magical number that always seems to be just out of reach.

Cael and I have had a few conversations lately that haven't gone well as I've mentioned. Some not so great things have happened in the last month and we seem to have made it through them. I'm kind of happy about that. It doesn't seem to matter what happens we've always managed to fix it and come through it. I always seem to be drawn back to him no matter what happens, but that's been true for a few years now. I like knowing we're stable in that sense, and once he's been down here and my fears(completely unfounded according to him) will be laid to rest it'll probably get even better. I'm looking forward to that even if it does mean being scared for right now.

It's finally nice out today. The last few days have either been really windy or it's been snowing. No, really. Snow. It's sucked. I'm hoping it stays like this so I can keep walking. I loathe my treadmill.

Right now I'm curled up in my chair, contemplating  a nap. The entire week Cael was gone I barely slept. It's finally catching up to me I think. I want to do nothing but sleep. I can sleep all night, take a nap the next day and not have an issue sleeping that night which isn't usually the case. I am all kinds of exhausted. *nods*