Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Brain Wave

The last two or three posts I've had awesome ideas. I've come up with something to write about and just before I go to write them something happens or I just completely forget what I was going to write about. I know at least once I had 3 or 4 ideas. Lucky for you all you'll probably be getting more posts for the next while so my ideas wont have time to disappear.

Cael was laid off a couple weeks ago and hasn't been working. Until now. Next week he leaves to go up north for work. The way it works is he goes in for two weeks and comes out for one. Which compared to others isn't bad. I know people that go in for months. Hell, my own dad goes in for the entire winter and I'm fine with it.

He'll be doing night work...which means even if his cell does work up there (chances of it working are good. My dad has gone further north and had it work) there won't be a lot of talking. For two weeks at a time.  I don't think we've gone that long without talking in the whole 5 years we've known each other. So, we're pretty much limited to emails and facebook. Of course, if he can text and does so at 3 in the morning we all know I'm going to answer and be ecstatic about it because I'm just that Cael dependent.  So, it is good there will be SOME contact, but it's going to be hard and it's going to suck in so many ways that I don't think I need to explain.

There are so many things I ask permission for or run by him to get his reaction during the day...and I gauge what I do by that right now without rules. Now, it's me and the brain worm trying to figure out the twistyness that is Cael. That doesn't really worry me though. I know what he expects of me. What's worrying me is he wont want to email or text whatever it is he can do...which I know is stupid but it's still there. I know it's not true.. but its one of those days where those evil little squiggles of stupidity take hold. I think part of it is I know I'm going to miss him. I get antsy when he goes away for the weekend. Two weeks is a long time for me. I'll be fine, but it still sucks. I know he wants me up with him, living with him. We talked about it recently because he's moving to a new place soon. And a few months of going back and forth between here and there and I'll be moving. So this little stupid squiggle? Totally unjustified and probably more related to me going to miss him...and being late on taking my birth control pill. (They really seem to be screwing with my hormones lately. It's a joy.)

I've been teary eyed or crying a bit the whole time I wrote this because I kind of already miss him..if that makes any sense. And yes, I do have that 3 year old feeling of "I want my master!" Shudap.  

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