Friday, January 7, 2011


[caption id="attachment_651" align="aligncenter" width="208" caption="I absolutely love this icon. I'd expect to see it quite often."][/caption]

New business first yes?

I went to the doctors again. Yes. Again. This is the second or third time for this shit. Apparently with the cold I have it hangs on for about 90 days, even with antibiotics. Which I believe, because this is my second dose of antibiotics and gods knows how many cold medicine bottles I've gone through. However, this time I may have gotten strong enough pills that it will get rid of it. Hope. It's all I have :)

In other news. It's my birthday soon. Ten days away on the 17th actually. As I've stated before, my birthday is really not a big deal around here. Mostly because it's so close to christmas that people forget, or just don't have the energy to do anything for. This has been true since I was about 10 years old. Since then I've been lucky if I get a card from 1 or 2 people. My family will generally remember and say happy birthday, my friends never have, thus why I have not seen most of them in years. This year however, I am doing something different. First, Lady Di is here and remembers this shit. So, at some point I am going over to her and my uncles place. We're going to do a movie night. It should be fun, we tend to have fun together anyways, so I am looking forward to it. I may even invite Chris to go over there with me. Mostly because he seems really depressed lately and I don't particularly like that, and I think he'd have fun with us. He enjoys me and the three of us together are even funnier so I want him to go. Whether or not he will... I don't know. Maybe I can guilt him into it :D

Another update? My diet. This isn't my usual "starting over"  "frustrated" update either. Since Cael has put me on a diet I have lost 10 pounds, and that's without exercise considering I've been sick the whole time I've been on it. Now, in an effort to be honest I know some of the weight I've lost is because of the sickness. The one day it was really bad I lost over ten pounds and then gained most of it back when I was able to eat again. So, I know the cold is a factor... but ya know what? I don't care. I've met my first goal and that is huge. I'm doing this in increments of 10 pounds. I have about 70 pounds I want to lose. Once I do that then it'll be a discussion with Cael about whether I'm losing more. I could definitely stand to lose more, but we'll see. I'm focusing on this first big goal of 70, and may add 20-30 pounds to that when I'm done depending on how I feel, whether or not I'm happy with the way I look etc.   ... notice I didn't add what Cael wants for that last bit? Because any time I ask what weight I should be at when I'm done, or where I should be when I move... I get told "Healthy" which while it isn't very helpful now it lets me know that as long as I'm healthy he doesn't care that much.(He is so my favorite person(Sorry Sephi! :D ). More on that in a paragraph or so) I'm actually looking forward to being able to work out some. Getting my exercise mat out that I stretch on, going down and using the exercise bike (not using the treadmill for a bit. That fucker tries to kill me) and I think Lady Di is giving me her Gazelle to use. Should be interesting... ya know.. when I do the splits too far and get stuck, then start laughing and fall on the cement floor in the basement.

I've also been really good at watching what I eat the last while. Making sure it's healthy and I have variety. For breakfasts I've been mixing and alternating egg whites, whole wheat toast, grapefruit, yogurt and I have some smoothie recipes that are good for you that I haven't tried yet. I also have meal replacement shakes that will get used at some points. For lunches I've been having wraps with turkey or chicken, mustard or chili type sauce, cucumber, tomato, lettuce, a bit of cheese and anything else that sounds like it would be good in there. I've been having healthy little snack type things with it like apple sauce, or fruit, or random veggies, etc. Suppers? They've been interesting. I've had to find a balance between healthy for me and something everybody else will eat. This week I've had/will have veggie stuffed chili,  taco salad, baked fish, ham, and homemade stuffed chicken breasts, not the kind you buy. It's going well. I'm happy. I'm also taking my multi vitamins and vitamin C again. I'm contemplating taking the parsley pills again once I feel better.

Now. Onto slightly new news that has already been posted about but needs clarified.

This morning I woke up to an email asking me why I was moving if I was so scared and clearly didn't want to. Last night Cael made a comment about my being scared. but I honestly think that some fear is justified so NEH!

First, I do want to move. Very much. However last night by the time I made the post I was in a panicky mindset so all the good things kind of got lost or glossed over. While there are a lot of scary, unsure things to this... there are a lot of positive. I will actually get to be with Cael.  There will finally be a steady stream of dominance over me and I crave that so badly, not to mention sex, and all the other fun things. I'll finally be able to get away from some of the family that drive me insane. It's a chance to do new things, meet new people I don't like ( :D ).  Mostly though... I get to wake up with Cael,go to sleep with him, touch him, be touched, play, make stupid jokes, comments, teasing and various other things and be close enough he can react to me. I may say that I'm bratty now so he can't reach me... but I want that reaction. I want the dominance, control and playfulness that it adds. I want to be able to walk up and grope him and get in trouble for it sometimes. I want to be attacked and pinned. I even I want to curl up and ignore him or bug him while he plays video games. Basically, I want him around and I want to be around him. I want him to be part of my life not just around it like everybody else has been. And I think he wants the same. The other night he mentioned putting me on his benefits at work. Not only is it a good step with being together... but it means a hell of a lot to me. Even before Cael was around I worried about how I was going to pay for my medications. Full time jobs aren't always the easiest things to come by, and you can't get benefits with a part-time job. I could apply for health care through other avenues... but they tend not to cover as much and I'd have to pay into it. With my asthma medications and birth control, etc that I'm on... it would still be fairly expensive. For three months without coverage it would almost $600. So this benefits thing... it literally made me tear up. Because if I were to fail it would be the prescriptions that did it because that doesn't include getting sick, misplacing an inhaler and various other things that would/could happen. He's also thought about how we'd move me and various other things. That means a lot to me. I've had other guys want me to move with them but they did nothing to prove it.  So will I move? Yes. Do I want to move? Yes. Is it scary? Hell yes. That's not even taking into account where the hell I'm going to put my stuff. I have a ton of body lotions, sprays and the like. And Other than wearing it all I have no idea what I'm going to do with my necklaces and bracelets. They can't go in a jewelry box some of them are too big or delicate and would be fucked. Right now they're all hanging from the rod in my closet. Mayhaps I'll wear half and Cael can wear the rest?

A happy, frazzled, scared, ecstatic,


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