Saturday, January 15, 2011

Keep On Ramblin'

I finally finished up with the pills me doctor gave me last night. So what does this mean? Well, I'm hoping it means I'm better. I still have the horribible cough but apparently that can last a long time... and honestly... while it sucks... if that's all I have then I am okay. The rest of the cold was hell. I can deal with a cough. However, I might start using my cold medicine to see if that kicks the rest out. This also means that maybe my brain will come back. I was told that the pills were strong enough to affect you... and they are. I've used only shampoo on my hair twice... and forgotten the conditioner..this has happened at least 2 or 3 times. I've forgotten to take things out for supper. I've wiped a counter and thrown out a wash cloth and not have it dawn on me until I was in another room. My typing and spell have gone to absolute hell. Seriously... ask Sephi. My thought process has suffered. I get part way through a though and just lose it... it happened twice today. In other pill news Cael agreed that I could go back on my parsley pills. Happeh.

I've also been taking a multivitamin and some extra vitamin C..for obvious reasons. Having been doing this over a couple of weeks now... I notice it when I don't take them. I don't feel as good, and I have less energy. I actually didn't notice this last time I was on them. Yet another clue that this time is going better. Another one? Conscious decisions to behave. Even on my cheat day I don't go crazy with stuff that isn't good for me. I'm making much better choices in general. Why? 1. Because I'm actually serious this time and have a touchstone to go to if I have trouble or stumble or get frustrated. 2. Because that touchstone is serious and will take away the privilege of touching him. He's kind of a hard ass and I'm loving it. In person? It will probably take some getting used to. B never really enforced any of his rules, especially in person so knowing that Cael does is exciting. Just with the little bits of rules and control he's added back into this I've been a hell of a lot happier, content and even more productive. I really do thrive on the dominance. With that said I have no doubt in my mind that it will take some adjusting when I move and have it 24/7 with him right there. I know it will be hard, but at the same time I want it. I got the illusion and promise of things with B. With Cael while I am getting some dominance.. I know it's the very tip of this iceberg and that there is a lot more to come and I'm excited... even though I know I haven't seen all of the dominant traits in him.. only some of them. The bastage has just recently informed me that I won't be allowed to wear clothes to bed. I love my pjs and he has taken them away when I move. Plus, I mentioned maybe not replacing my pjs and comfy type clothes as I lose weight and then he and I could go pick out some new sexier ones... I put it out there as a "I'm thinking about it" type thing. He took a liking to the idea and I think that is now the plan. Not that I'm complaining... as long as they're comfy and I can wear them around the house up there I will be happy. Of course... logic dictates I will need to get one or two things for here until I move and maybe for there when people are around that lingerie type things wouldn't work for, but in general... I have great ideas. :D I also found out that I get a collar. A play collar, but a collar! Maybe with the chance of getting a full-time collar eventually..he hasn't explained it yet. He likes to tease me. I luff him.

Another thing I've recently noticed is my level of nostalgia lately. It's gotten quite high. I'm not sure why either. The last few months I've been doing things that I did when I was younger, or that remind of things from the past. This christmas I learned how to make my grandmothers shortbread cookies. Over the summer I started collecting recipes from my grandmother, great-grandmother and great-aunt. Each recipe I found came with a memory of either being in the kitchen with them or times we spent together... I enjoyed it. My great-grandmother passed away 11 years ago. When she did my mother, grandmother and I went to her house and cleaned it out and distributed it where it was supposed to go. I ended up  with some stuffed animals that I played with any time I Went to her house when I was little and a charm bracelet she used to wear all the time. I rarely wear this bracelet. Why? Because for months after she died... I had a lot of weird shit go on around me. The volume of my stereo or tv would turn way up and then go way down. My tv would randomly shut off... but only if the show had swears or something sexual to it. If it was kid friendly.. it never once went off. The tv in the living room would shut off... and when you turned it on it would be on a different channel ...which ever channel MASH was on was the channel that came back on. Every time. She used to watch that show everyday. My grandmother moved her fridge into her house... everybody else can open the fridge without an issue. I go to open it... and it sticks..everytime. A lot of the time I could feel somebody around me. It actually got to the point where I removed a lot of her stuff from my room on the theory if she wasn't comfortable there she would leave. It hasn't happened in a long time. It all just stopped one day. It could all be coincidental... but I still watch what I do with her stuff. So that is a lot of why I don't wear the bracelet a lot. I wear it and its like she's right there. But, I do wear it to things she would have liked or that are important. I wore it to my uncle's wedding over summer.  Aside from that I've been watching a lot of old tv shows, cartoons etc. I've also been thinking about switching out one of my dressers for the one I moved downstairs. It has a mirror... and two or three bullet holes in it from when an uncle of mine got drunk and scared himself in the he shot the mirror. My family is odd. It's awesome.

In other news... my birthday is almost here. Other than probably going shopping with a friend of mine and watching a movie with Lady Di.. I have no plans for it. ....maybe I'll nap all day. :D

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