Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Hiatus Rescinded

I've been staring at this screen for a while now. Unsure of how to start again. I've been gone long enough that I'm not sure where to start. I do however know that I need to start. Need to come back. I've missed this place. Paused several times to say "I need to blog about that" and realized I wasn't blogging then. I needed to come back. And not just because I was certain any day now Cael would be up my ass about it :)

As mentioned I left because of TTWTA. (Scroll down if you don't remember what it means) That thing is doing better. That thing..ha. It was stuff with Cael. Not relationship stuff, medical stuff. He ended up getting an operation for "TTWTA" and is doing better. Now it's just dealing with the healing and recovery. Which is not an easy thing. especially for stubborn dom types. He has good days and bad days. I try to be reassuring and positive... or at least not a total basket-case pain in the ass.

In other news I am currently being punished. And I don't get to just sit down and write lines like some people I know. I don't have to sit on sandpaper. I don't get lashes right now. Nope. I am a week in a half into a THREE WEEK punishment. Three weeks. Let that sink in for a minute. Absorb it. Loathe it. He had me orgasming at least 8 times a day for a week. Which lets face it, when you haven't been exercising thus haven't been permitted orgasms... jumping up to 8 a day hurts. Every single muscle that clenches? Hurts. Your hand hurts. Your body rebels, I had to force toys inside me by day two because my pussy wouldn't open up to them like it normally does. Now? I am in the second week, where I get nothing. No touching at all. Nothing pleasurable in any way. I can shave, that is as much touching as I can do. I have another week and half of this. Which, I could have done no problem. But my body got used to all the orgasms everyday. Now it craves them. I've dreamt of nothing but sex and release since I've been denied it. Being told no always makes you want something more doesn't it? What did I do to deserve this?  I stopped sending reports of my diet to him. We went about two weeks or more where he didn't say a damn thing. Then, he had the surgery and started get back to himself more than I've seen him in months. Months. He suddenly found his dominance. He noticed the lack of reports. I didn't think he did. He knows me too well. He knew I was testing him before I even did. He knew I did it because I'm not used to anybody let alone my dominant paying attention to me. At all. B never did, nobody else that had any authority ever did either. It'd last for a week or so then they'd just walk away from it. He doesn't. He cares. He pays attention. He has expectations and when I don't meet them I am held accountable. It's something I'm getting used to. Accepting. Appreciating.

Because I do. Cael is... he is so many positive things that I've never had before. Ever. I love being with him, so much it is impossible to explain it without sounding like an idiot. He pays attention to me, he follows through on what he says all the time, he cares about me and actually shows it even though we're apart right now. I know he'll show it in different more affectionate ways when we are together, and I can't wait because I don't get that side of him right now. It's too hard for him. And I can deal with that, because I know it's coming. I know how sweet and loving he really is. I know how sincere he is. Knowing I can trust him no matter what is so important and comforting. If he makes a mistake he comes to me with it, I don't have random unpleasant surprises once he knows I'm not okay with something. In that sense our relationship is equal... and I thrive on that.

I also thrive on his dominance in a huge way. Ever since he had the surgery he's been more himself. He's been more dominant. In the last two weeks I haven't done a damn thing without permission. Looking back I don't think I've spent a penny without his permission or mentioning what I want to him first.  I haven't left the house without telling him where I'm going. He knows exactly where I am every second of the day. I don't even walk around the block or over to my grandmothers without telling him first to make sure it's okay. If I go into town, out with a friend...anything, he is told. He is told as soon as I know.

This last weekend was a long weekend where I live. On this long weekend friends and family always go down the piece of land my family owns. Its right beside a river and is usually a good time. As soon as I found out my family was taking our trailer down I told Cael. I told him I'd be going for the day but I'd be coming home to sleep. I told him I'd have cell service so he could always get to me. And when he asked if I'd be late one night, even though he said he was just wondering... I was home early that night. I go get groceries on the same day every week, he's known this for a while so I don't send a text for that. But I send one when I get back. And I send one if I end up going back to town for anything that day.

I bought a set of dishes and canisters yesterday. They were on sale. The plates are the really heavy (and by heavy I mean it. I had my brother carry them out to the car so I didn't drop them) ones in a dark, rich brown that I've been eying for probably a year or more. They're normally around $70 or $80 for a 12 piece set. They were on for $15. I'm pretty sure I had a mini happy orgasm over this. Then I walked around the corner and found a canister set that I've been wanting on for $5 And yet? I asked if I could get it all first. This is where Cael learned something. If I am not directly told "No" on something I really want... I will justify it. I can justify anything. Ask Sephi. I justified her getting chinese food for supper once in under a minute flat *nods* Skill. Since he just talked to me about it asking if it was needed or not...I walked out of the store with a set of dishes and canisters :D

It helps me deal with the fact that it's going to be a while before I move. I get little things occasionally. It makes me feel like we're working towards me moving, not just standing still and stuck. I've been thinking about it and other than a few odds and ends when I move I will have mostly kitchen supplies. I've been collecting the odd coffee cup two over sized ones, one M&M one from Disneyland  and one my great-grandmother gave me. I have a set of glasses and just plain white dishes I was given. I suspect greatly they'll be my "It's not going to kill me and I wont kill you if these get broken" set.  I have the set of dishes I bought yesterday as well as the canisters. I have a pyrex baking set. I also have a full set of my great grandmas china. By full I mean it has the large plates, the small plates, two different sets of bowls, teacups, saucers and a sugar and cream set somewhere(probably at my grandmothers). Those? May not move with me right away. I don't want to use them everyday and have them broken and chipped. I also have a china hutch and a buffet that are antiques and wont be moving right away. Because if any of it got broken I'd probably have to take whoever did it the fuck out.

Moving should be fun.

Cael told me the other day that I could play with girls whenever. Even when I'm up there. Which to me is unfair. I wouldn't like him playing with other girls without me when I move so I wont do it to him. Playing with other girls together is part of the fun to me. I don't think I could just be with a girl. I need some manface thrown in *nods*

I think for today this is enough. It's a good start, but before I end the post I want to do two things. First : New background. Sephi made. We luff her. Second : Read the new column on the left side. It is Sereneland law.

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