Friday, March 30, 2012

*Breathes out*

So, long story short Cael is back.

We spent two days talking back and forth and just from that I can see the changes in him. If this is what therapy does for him and he keeps things moving forward like this then we'll be fine. If not..I refuse to go backwards. I just wont do it.

I'm not going into details because some of them are really personal. To sum up... he essentially gave me everything I've been asking for for over a year.. and I'm pretty sure there was a silver platter to go with it as well. We're starting over in most regards. A clean slate for the most part. I think having over a month apart actually helped. He straightened his head around and I was able to let go of a lot of hurts. So far so good. I'm a lot more relaxed this time.. not as tightly strung and worried. I think part of it is he came back to me.. HE wanted ME back. And everything is now monogamous. My insecurity there has been totally wiped out which in the long run will help us.

I know there are a lot of my friends that think I'm an idiot for going back. I can live with that. I know I can survive without him now. I know if things get bad again I can leave if I have to. I also know a good portion of my friends don't give a shit and still think I'm an idiot.. again.. I can live with it. Not their choice. I know I'd regret it if I had told him no, I'd always wonder. I really hope it works out, I really hope I don't regret going back. He sounds like himself again, he sounds like my Cael.

We're not doing the BDSM thing for a while. On my part because he needs to build the trust back up, and on his because he's still sorting things out for himself. But.. it's nice. He told me he loved me. He never has before. He's making an effort, and trying. I'm actually proud of him for the effort he's putting into Us and into himself.

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