Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Jello Walls Are Kind Of A Bitch

I really have no idea what this post will be about. I have nothing. But, I need to keep my mind busy and this is about the only option I have left.

My plants are kind of pissing me off. Well, more accurately the weather that is causing my plants to stop growing is pissing me off. It's cold, and there is pretty much no sun and apparently plans on staying this way for the next 14 days. Doesn't anybody know that I have tomatoes that need to ripen!? I have a feeling this whole summer of tending and fussing over my plants will be pointless because the plants will die. I've emailed Nilla in hopes that she has some goddess of the green thumb wisdom, but I am not hopeful. Irritated, but not hopeful.

I am still sick. I'm also very tired of it. I've been taking medication for days but I haven't seemed to have gotten much better. However, I did manage to go in and get groceries today. It's a good thing I don't drive because my eyes were shut the entire drive there. Throwing up was a very real thought and possibility. Keeping my eyes closed seemed to have helped, at least a little. Of course, getting to the store was a whole new things. I got out of the car, at which point I got dizzy. I couldn't feel my legs kind of dizzy. My head was swimming. I was quite honestly ready to collapse/fall down at any minute. I stayed that way through most of the trip. Made it interesting but not easy.

That has been my entire day. It s actually more than I've done in quite a few days thanks to this cold. I've mostly been curled up with a book, movies, kleenex, and my cold medicine for three or four days now. I don't remember how long. That in itself cannot be a good sign.

However, just because I haven't done much doesn't mean I haven't learned anything. Today I learned that Jello walls provide zero protection. They're there, they look pretty and even kinda cool but they are useless. They don't protect you from anything. Anything can slip through Jello. Those are the walls I have right now with at least one person. They are no good. While I am aware beyond a doubt that I really have no right to be upset about what I'm upset about. The person was never really "mine,"  but knowing yet again that that option is gone, well it hurts. And it sucks and it makes me think I need stronger walls. I don't want them at all with this person, but I'm beginning to think that I need them and that in itself is another hurt. Nobody really to blame but myself, I built the damn things even if I wasn't aware of it at the time.

No comments:

Post a Comment