Sunday, June 12, 2011


I finally slept last night. Well, I've been sleeping but it hasn't been a good sleep. I've tossed and turned, and woken every half hour for a couple weeks now. Ever since I screwed up and made him mad I haven't really been sleeping.

Yesterday Cael and I finally got to talk... like normal. Or, more normal anyways. About nothing really important, just random things. He teased me. He hasn't done that in months between stress and the surgery. I didn't fully realize how much of us had paused while he got better. I think I shut it out to function and not break down, that was the last thing he needed was an uncunted slub. It was like a floaty happy high for me. I've missed him. Us. I'm starting to feel more at home again, safe. We talk and I finally sleep through the night. Funny how that works :)

I was asked for a diet update so here it is : *huffs*   Did you get it?  I've been exercising everyday. An hour on weekdays and a half an hour on weekends. I haven't missed a day yet, reduced times due to other things but not completely missed a day. I was doing great, I was four pounds from losing another ten and sending updates pictures. Then it shot back up by about 3 pounds. Irritating to say the least. This is generally where I stay stuck for a week or two and then get frustrated and stop. Not an option this time. I also made sure I told Cael when I struggled with the exercise. He's not keeping track or controlling it right now, but I'm still doing my best to follow what he would want. Even if he does remain silent on the subject. :)

My basil is growing. And awesome. I love it. I also have a few sprigs of parsley FINALLY coming up.... but due to roots I have basil in my almost impossible to grow parsley. I'll let it go to see what happens but I have the feeling I'll be buying parsley plants. My make me smile flowers are doing good... I think. They're tall and all green...nothing flowery yet but they're growing. I'm taking that as a win. I'm contemplating maybe planting carrots or something easy. Something to do.

I've been thinking lately. About this "lifestyle." There are a lot of parties, and clubs and so on. If Cael decides he wants to participate in stuff like that then I'll obviously be going to...yet, I'm totally okay not going. I'm quite content to just function and live within our dynamic. It's normal to me at this point. The dynamic is always present, so I guess I don't feel the need to go to every event. I don't need the BDSM themed parties, play sessions or clubs because it's there everyday for me. I totally get why people go, and maybe I'll change my mind a year, month, week or hour from now. Maybe I'm just relishing the dynamic a bit right now. Who knows.

I think that's it for today. It's just been calm, so I don't have a lot to say. And gods am I thankful for that.

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