Sunday, April 15, 2012


I said I'd update and I am.

I'm here (at Cael's, that is.) and I'm fine. Happy.

I'm currently sitting in his living room while he's playing computer games in another room. Every time I hear him whistle I smile like an idiot.. if that's any indication of how I'm feeling.

No? Well, I have others. I can't stop watching him.. I'm sure it unnerves him but I can't! I watch him cook, I watch him play games.. I just.. watch him. I like the way he moves, even minute little ones most people don't think much about. I curled up today for quite a while with him while he played games. At one point I was laying in a way that made it so that all I could see were his hands.. and I was totally content with that. And yes, I do realize I sound insane. I've also been watching him walk.. I may or may not intentionally walk behind him to do so. He doesn't walk. He marches, so distinctively in fact I knew it was him coming up the apartment stairs just by the sound of his boots and his step. Other people had walked up the stairs and I didn't pause.. I stopped dead and looked at the door. 

It's really a good thing I enjoy watching him because there is no sex this trip (For good reason, just personal reasons of his that I do agree with...even if I don't like it. I'd like it a lot less if the reason for the no sex actually happened because of said sex. Logic. I have it.). Yes. I did pout. I pouted to the point he thought I may want to leave.*rolls eyes* He'd been teasing me before I came up, and sleeping next time him for a night and watching him walk around in his boxers (which by the way gape on occasion, I've swallowed more than a few whimpers. Some twisted part of me likes it though.) made for a bit of a pout. I wanted. Hell, I still want. But I am content with cuddles.

I'm actually a little surprised with how content with it I am. I mean, yes I do look at him and fight not to whimper. I've been soaked for two days now. He doesn't even have to do anything, just be in the room.. be near me. That apparently is enough. With B.. and every guy before him I'd fool around, spend a few hours then be over it and not want them near me. With some I really liked them but was revolted by them when it came right down to it. The way they smell, the way they touch me, their breath both in their sleep and in the middle of the day when I'm close enough.. everything. Most definitely not the case with him. I can't get close enough. Just the scent of him makes me purr..which I'm refusing to do out loud because it wouldn't be fair but believe me.. whole internal purring dialogue. 

I'm content.. I'm content with him near me even without the sex. I love just listening to him. Stupidly enough, I like it to the point the entire time we were at my cousins I just listened to the sound of his voice.. I probably caught about half of what he said. I'm better now but I have to focus and take a minute to let it sink in before I respond. I'm sure I'm going to lose my wimmens card for this but I even like when he snores. *ducks glares* It's oddly comforting, okay!

There's definitely some stuff we have to work on and work towards but it's so worth it. He's worth it.

The only issue I'm having right now is the Master thing. We aren't BDSM M/s based right now. I was fine until I got here. Now, my entire internal dialogue refers to him as Master. "Masters bed," " Masters leg," " No, we can't grope master be content with thigh woman! " So I have been very carefully not pet naming him just in case it comes out. Don't need that. Apparently he just resonates with me that way still. At least on the inside. Still normal on the outside. *shrugs*

I've also learned something. A body spray I like and use quite regularly at home really does not like his bathroom flooring. I put it on after my shower and promptly almost face planted. It makes his floor like a skating rink. Guess who's washing the floor tomorrow...

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