Friday, September 16, 2011

Day Of Awesome!

So, Cael is still taking time away. He did however answer me on facebook last night just letting me know that he was okay, his phone was dead and he was in the middle of moving but he's not in a good place to talk yet and he'll text me sometime this weekend. That right there? Mellowed me the fuck out, and believe me I needed it. I was in a huge downward spiral to the point my dog looked me in the eye and I started bawling. Yes. Seriously. But, I'm going to move on now because I'm okay.. we're okay... and to honest, dwelling on missing him doesn't help and he really doesn't need to come back read all the angst. He knows how I am when he isn't around, and that's probably the only reason he answered last night. He knew I was getting to the point of unraveling and he knew one little two sentence message is all it would take for me to be okay. I don't think he really knows how much I appreciate that he does that even when he's upset and taking time. I'm used to people just letting me spin and cycle down until I unravel and fall apart in a bawling hyperventilating mess. Although it does seem to be more intense with him. Devotion... I has it.

In other news MY CUFFS SHOWED UP TODAY!!!!!!! 3 days early! They are gorgeous. I love them. My only issue is for sleeping the edges/seams seem to bother me but that could just be a matter of getting used to them and wearing them in. I'm also wearing them a bit loose so that could attribute to it as well. My wrists are apparently an in between size with the hook holes, but as I lose weight I should be able to tighten them up. Right now I have them loosened off even more just for typing.. more comfortable. I got them to wear to bed when I'm having a bad day and Cael isn't able to talk or comfort or just be around. They're like a pseudo collar in that respect. I'm finding though... that I want to wear them all the time. ...I'm wearing them now. I love looking down at my wrists and getting that happy feeling. Might have to look into more discreet options once I move that I can wear all the time, in or out of the apartment. (Why yes, I AM excited to move!! I want to do it now!)

I also got my bath salts in the order. Oh I'm excited. I'm silently cursing the evil red scourge. I want a bath damn it and I feel wrong doing it when I'm bleeding. Yes I am odd. I've also started reading The Story Of O. It's okay so far, I'm not that far in. I do not however care of the way the book is written, but that could be translation, or it could just be the authors style. Either way I'm not too keen on it. It's very choppy, no flow. I like the flow. I even got a glass toy. I can't wait to try it out, I suspect it'll be my favorite. It looks like it's long enough to hit my cervix, I  LOVE having my cervix bumped.

I can't wait to have my bath with my salts and watch a Disney movie, talk with Cael and go to bed. Any day now! It's hope, it's eternal :D

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