Sunday, July 24, 2011

Oh Happy Place

The last two days have been spent with Lady Di and my uncle. Friday night I went in to their place in town and spent the night. We watched the Swan Princess (Shadup! I love Jean-Bob) and Megamind. ....soo good. The next day Lady Di and I went to the farmers market and a few other stores picking stuff up for my grandmothers birthday party. I ended up bringing home some cherries and two pounds each of baby carrots and garden peas. I love veggies, I naturally tend to eat healthy. I've always chosen veggies over chips or crackers or whatever else is offered. I've decided I'm going to start cooking like that again. My weight is stuck, and I'm having issues with exercise but my diet.. I can alter that with no issue at all. I ate entirely vegetarian/vegan for over a year and was quite happy. I'm not going back to that but fresh, raw...or steamed veggies are good. Less meat..if its possible I don't tend to eat a lot to begin with. And what I do eat is the leanest ground beef I can afford that week, and chicken. Other than that I eat fish/seafood and that's it. I'm not a big fan of pork... if anything I may grab ham for lunches.  I need to start eating three meals a day again and if I can't then have my diet shakes because I've been skipping generally at least one meal a day. Sometimes two.

I've also been thinking about exercise more the last few days. I really want to get back to where I was before. I also want to invest in an elliptical and a heavy bag at some point. (Cael and I are going to have our own gym at this rate. I already have a bike and a treadmill.) I'd like to move the treadmill upstairs so its easier for me to use(asthma and dusty basements don't mix) and always in my face....but it doesn't fit anywhere. Even folded up there's no where I could put. I could unfold it in my room to use it but it would take up the whole floor to leave it there. See my issue? It's even worse now that my brother broke his PS2 and got a new xbox... I can turn the machine on...but I can't get it to open or figure out how to switch the tv over to it. ...I can hear Cael laughing right now. He thinks it's hilarious and calls me his "little technophobe."

I've also been thinking about having baths at night again and going on walks and writing..even if I have to force it at first. Basically a case of going back to what I used to do with the new mindsets I have now.

When did I come up with all of this? Sitting at my grandmothers birthday party. Without my mom there I don't have anybody to talk to because the other side of the family tends to come in and dominate the conversation and they talk about BMX racing and going to the bar...and it's just boring as fuck and a little sad. My aunt knows what band is playing at the bar every night/weekend for the next month. It's like they revolve around going out to the bar... and these are the same people who can barely afford to live. But they've always lived beyond what they could afford and always had somebody there to bail them out... I'm just not comfortable with them around. Especially since everybody in their house above drinking age has recently lost a huge amount of weight. Seriously, my aunt has lost about 150 pounds alone. Funny thing is..they've all done it in a matter of about 4 or 5 months... it was instant. It's not possible to lose that much in that amount of time doing what they SAY they're doing. Just eating differently and walking every night. I call bullshit. Especially when I can watch them each fill and eat 3 plates of food. Just walking..or even running around the tiny little pond we have in town twice like they say will not give that result. It's just irritating because I've worked hard for what I've lost. And I still have a lot of hard work ahead of me and they're taking the unhealthy and easy way out. And I say unhealthy based on the fact they lost so much so's not good for your body.. and it makes me wonder exactly what they're doing in their own time to  cause that, especially knowing some of the things they've done previously.

But, other than that my weekend was okay. Spent a lot of time with Lady Di, talking about ...everything from abortion to sex toys and fruit. I also gave her a little more of my dynamic with Cael and she's fine. She thinks like I do... and I like knowing that he and I have at least one place we can go that is family that we don't really have to hide. It's great.  I did however miss Cael this weekend. He had a wedding to go to and help with so I went two days without him and as usual it sucked, I didn't get insecure though which I normally do! I think finally we may have gotten a bit of a handle on all of it between talking before my previous post about sharing and after. But I did get to talk to him for a while this morning and took care of the missing pout and he pretty quickly put me in place. Now? I'm just content and happy and....sigh. :)  Though, according to Sephi I was in a mood before he woke up today. I personally think she's full of it. :D

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