Saturday, March 13, 2010


My orgasm rule is going fairly well. I've somehow managed to go down two pounds again. Bringing my total back to ten lost, yet another reason to love orgasms. Of course some of that is losing water weight but ya know, I'm choosing to believe it was entirely orgasm induced.

The first night went well. Master decided that I needed to orgasm until I couldn't move. This brought us to the conclusion that I clearly need to be having more orgasms in order for that to happen. Three is now my base I believe. I got up to ten before my wrists finally gave out... and that was the only part of my body refusing to work. They weren't little orgasms either, so I should have been unable to move. I'm just built for sex :P

Having sex would tired me out, especially if I reached that number but with masturbation.... just doesn't do it.

Last night however, did not go so hot.  I fought my orgasms, fought not to do them, or have them.

This was a mix of things I think. First, I'm PMS-ing. Second, Master has been gone for several months and we haven't really talked much in two weeks. (In all fairness he is trying his best, and I do get at least one text a day even if it is only a one word response, it's better than nothing but still sucks major ass.)Since he is so busy I've basically had to master myself so to speak. He doesn't have time to  be constantly paying attention to what I'm doing so I'm expected to behave. I'm still expected to ask permission for things I just normally make the decision myself because he can't answer. Between that and the lack of speaking... I finally broke last night.

I refused to orgasm. I lost my freaking mind. Who refuses to orgasm?!

I think I needed to be topped and shown that he is still my master and still in charge. My orgasms were the only thing I had at the moment so it's what I used. I was teary eyed and upset beforehand, I said I wasn't doing them, that I didn't want to. I pushed and fought, almost begging him to make me do it. Which he did. I cried my way through my orgasms when he finally won and was happy and relieved when I was done. I felt like his again, I felt owned and happy.

I've learned lately that Daddy has slowly become my home. I'm more myself around him, I'm comfortable, and I feel wanted, needed and just at home. It's a safe,warm feeling. Since he has been gone I've felt a little lost and I know why now, he left and took my home with him. When he dominates me I get a feeling of that back. It's a warm,safe, full and happy world feeling. I get lost without it and fight to find it again.

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