Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I have an "A" for your "Q"

Sephani, somehow I knew you would have one!  

Q: If you could chose another life for yourself, would it be one in which you still had the same kinks or would you want to try a more nilla approach?  

A: Before I discovered I had such kinks I was taking the more nilla approach. At least I thought I was, turns out I was always trying to push the other person into leading and giving me direction. Having been on the vanilla side of things, I think I would stick with the same kinks.

My vanilla relationships were always rocky at best. There was always a place of distance between my SO and myself that I never understood, a space that separated us no matter how much we agreed and how close we were. 

I may be biased on this because I have never truly had a healthy vanilla relationship. Even when I was 100% convinced that I was vanilla. (I just deleted a paragraph explaining more on this but giving way too much detail away so if you want it explained Sephi, you can email or text me...but not from the bathroom :P  )

I had one relationship where everything went well, and I still wasn't close to the guy, I still wasn't head over heels, do anything for him, respect him, and happy twenty-four-seven.   This may be because I am submissive and just didn't know it then but I just haven't had (and can't see having) as good of a relationship without these kinks.

I'm not saying that people in vanilla relationships don't have as good of a relationship as kinky people do; I just know that for me, it isn't as good.

I love the closeness that master and I have, I love how wanted I feel, how much happier I am, how free I feel (the irony!), and I love the trust. I trust master with everything I have. You need immense amounts of trust in relationships like this, that trust binds us, it brings us closer, makes us stronger and lets the other person see who the real you is.

My sense of humour, my blonde moments, my clutzy ways and my insanity; Master gets all of me. These were all things I was somewhat ashamed of in other relationships... things I tried to give to people but they rejected. I've found that it's not only my kinks that fit into this lifestyle; it's all of me. All of me is accepted and not turned away for being to perverse, or morbid or disgusting and that is something that just doesn't happen in vanilla relationships, at least it didn’t in mine.

Would not being kinky be easier? Certainly. There are aspects of this lifestyle that make some things difficult, but I've found it also makes having a relationship easier. There isn't constant fighting because one vote outweighs another, you end up closer, trust more (in general), and to be honest...vanilla sex bores me.

If there isn't some aspect of roughness to does nothing for me. I need to be bitten, have a hand around my throat/in my hair, be bruised by the time it's done or at the very least be pounded hard enough I enjoy it. Slow, soft sex... just doesn't do it for me, I end up looking up at the ceiling and wondering when the person will be done. I've tried. I think even taking away my kinks I would still need that and I have no intention of giving up sex :P

In short, the sex is better, the relationship is better, and the community is more my type of people, thus, I would keep the same kinks.


  1. I couldn't agree more! I have always believed that to be a functioning member of this type of relationship...there needs to be so much deeper of a connecting. No secrets, stronger communication, and a sharing of the most intimate parts of a persons mind and body.

    I've tried vanilla too and I always ended up trying to force my partner to be more dominant :P Lets just say it never ended well and once I even discovered I'd ended up domme!!!

  2. Ahh yes, I did that once. Did not enjoy it. Ended up pretty much miserable and annoyed. ....but then again, god help anybody that tried to dominate me at that time anyways.