I've noticed over the last few days.... I have no interest in food. This is very weird for me. I love to cook, it makes me happy. Lately, I'd just rather not do it. The disinterest is carrying over into actually eating the food as well. I don't think I've been hungry in a week. I eat because I should but I end up spending hours trying to figure out what I want and then finally just give in and eat whatever is easy and then don't even eat all of that. Last night I made fish sandwiches and veggies.... I ate most of the veggies and had 3 bites of the sandwich. Any time I eat anything lately I eat about half of it and end up giving the rest of it to my father to finish. Every morning I get up and try to decide what I Want for breakfast... I end up having a glass of orange juice and procrastinating food until lunch... then I may eat, sometimes I wait for dinner and again, don't eat all of it. I get that I need to eat... I'm not an air head... I just don't feel hungry and don't want to do it.
B and I aren't officially done but I can't help but wonder if that's why I'm not eating. When my ex and I broke up I didn't eat at all for a week while I dealt with it. Maybe it's creeping up on me this time? I don't know. But it's not like I could stop cooking even if I did stop eating all together. I've noticed a pattern emerge. My father cooks... he gets heartburn and bloats. I cook... he's fine. Of course when he cooks it's a lot of rice, potato, carbyness with fatty meat and barely any veggies. But of course it can't possibly be his cooking! Noooooooooooooooo. It's ridiculous.
Chris broke his phone the other day. This seems small but it's not at all. Since B has stopped texting me I've decreased the amount I was texting him too, I feel kinda stupid doing it honestly. So I've been texting Chris. He has not had his phone for two or three days now... it sucks. I text him when I get upset, when I'm bored, with random comments or thoughts, anything really. I talk to him and at him a lot. Needless to say I have been bored out of my mind the last few days without him. I've started texting Cael more, he's commented here before, I'm not explaining him. It's impossible anyhow. But I am texting him more, not because he was third in line but because he's usually in school or working so I generally wait for him to talk to me. Haven't been lately. I'm sure I'm annoying the hell out of him by now.
Seph stepped on and broke the DVD she was going to send me. .... do you all hear the angels singing too?! I've been looking for a DVD here somewhere, I am not having much luck. Every one I find has one of those happy, peppy, perky trainers that make me want to punch them in the throat so I don't think I would use those much.
Now, I am going to go waste some time staring into the fridge for the 5th time today. So far.. I've had orange juice.