Saturday, May 1, 2010

Everybody has a Dull day.

I haven't posted in a while, I know. This is mostly because, I have nothing inspiring to say. And since the tail end of my cold is still hanging on  I haven't been doing enough during the day to make a "Hey, look what I did!" post. But I will attempt to update you on nothing and ramble on about zilch.

First thing first. Still haven't heard from Master. ... and that is all I'm choosing to say about it. I have come to a conclusion about this situation. I am not talking about it anymore. Every time I answer questions or have a conversation about it/him I end up upset and right back where I started from which is why I seem miserable all the time. I reach a new level of okayness (Is so a word!) and before it becomes solid I get pulled back down. By having to explain my reasons for waiting, by answering questions people have about it all and listening to them question me, and him and us and this and whatever else they decide to question... I get upset all over again over something I've already dealt with. Now that does not mean that I am upset with Nilla or Seph. They had a valid questions that I just hadn't explained on the blog because I sometimes forget that I have readers that don't know me personally that wouldn't just know these things. Plus I am not one to explain myself and my actions, but having somewhere I vent can't work like that. It needs to be explained. I know that now. I've also had conversations about it with people in my life. My mother's not bad to talk to about it. She is a lot like me and thinks like I do so all that's there is support, she doesn't question it. Chris also has an opinion on it. He thinks that I'm wrong for waiting and is pissed that master has done this but at the same time if I'm upset he comes out pretty much instantly and spends time either talking or just around me. I'm not a fan of being alone at night right now. But yes, no longer a topic of discussion.  

I've been doing better the last few days. I've straightened up the kitchen and living room. My project today is my room. I've been cooking again, gaining weight....turns out if you don't eat for four days because  of a cold when you start to eat again you gain weight back... go figure.

I'm contemplating my pot garden. (Veggies in pots... my pot garden... it amuses me) I'm not sure if I want to do it. The desire seems to be gone. Maybe I'll just do it and remove the choice. I'm not sure yet.

I've spent several days around Chris lately. My family loves him.... literally. If he leaves and doesn't say goodbye to them or they're out of the room they get upset about it. It's nuts. He's trying to talk me into going to bars and karaoke nights with him. My enthusiasm about him is waning. I do not like people, I do not like drunk people, I am not a fan of crowds, of touching or karaoke.


  1. So I'm sure you already know what I'm going to say (even though its MY brain wave cuz I'm older!) but here goes anyways :P

    You should totally go out! Even if you end up sitting at the table just talking to Chris all night...get out of the house!! Seriously if I was there I would drag you *literally* out of the house with me! Fresh air, new environments...its good for the soul. I swears. Would I lie to you? Don't answer that! :P

    Maybe not to a *gag* I can't even say the word *gag* bar buuuuut....definitely somewhere. A movie? Too datish? (Is so a word!) what about just walking around a park, shopping center? Shoo! get out of the house! breath the fresh ozone depleted global warming air! hmm...said like that I can see why you stay indoors ;)

  2. I've been contemplating going out. But, I had no ID... as a lack of desire to go to a bar thus I haven't needed it. But somewhere would be good. Not sure where yet... or with who.

    *HISSS* I for not like ze outside! Evil Day Star!

  3. definately go out for a bit. breathe the toxic enviroment outside of your little ecosystem within your house. i agree bars= bad idea unless it's like a real pub sorta atmosphere. sephani has the great idea of a park walking. healthy... active... and again in a ozone depleted slightly toxic, outdoors enviroment :)

  4. I went shopping with a friend but by the end of it I was just annoyed. Like I said, I'm not a people fan.