Sunday, April 4, 2010

The Irony of the "No Title" Post

Basically, I did not want to come up with a title, but "No Title" in itself is a title. So now  that we have the irony out-of-the-way I can do the rest of the post.

The second part of the story is coming. Really; it is. The whole story is written it's just editing and adding left to do. Which, yes, means that I sent it to Master as a present unedited. In my defence by the time I was done writing it it was 5 in the morning and my brain was fried. I'm reading through this thing as I edit and am laughing at my typing mistakes. At one point I switched from "his" 's and went to "your" 's. Best part here, is I sent the story to Sephi to be read before I sent it... which in all honesty I was ready to pass out so I sent it before I got her response anyways. BUT! That little error up there... we both missed... and she had slept..kinda! So now I don't feel too bad that I had written it because it was either subtle or just flew over both of our heads. Which is obviously improbable "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means" Name that Movie! ... I'm tired.

Anyways, I plan on editing the second part tomorrow and it should be up by at least Tuesday. Ya know, unless I get horribly sidetracked.

I could do it tonight, but tonight I am revamping. What you ask? Why I'll tell you! My calorie count account. The weight needs updated, and I think I'm going to be using a couple of the features. Last time I was using it I was just checking my food and calorie burnage (is so a word!) I think I may try using the trackers and graphs.

I've also pulled out my inner nerd and have started using a spreadsheet program. And man do I wish I could remember the formulas for subtracting the numbers without having to do it manually. I am not a math person, especially early in the morning which is when I fill out my weight. I text master to tell him that I was down a pound... then I used a calculator... and it was two pounds. Seriously, not a morning person. Tomorrow marks the official restart of my diet. I'm excited. I'm motivated. I'm scared of what Master will do to me when he comes back.

Well, not really. I'm scared of disappointing him and letting him down. I want to be pretty and thinner for him(and for me of course). I want to be completely comfortable with him and I know that would help. I'm of course comfortable with him and to honest, I rarely even think about my weight around him (so many reasons to love this man!) because he just doesn't let me. It's not a big deal for him, so it's not for me when I'm with him. What is a big deal is the health consequences, he wants me healthy and around for a long time (yeah, I don't know why either...maybe for amusement purposes. Or ya know, I'm partially trained, somebody new would just require more work :) )  I know that even if I fail miserably that he may punish me, but it would be for my own good, not because he was upset of mad at me. He understands that it's hard to lose weight and he sympathizes and really is nothing but supportive. I think that's a big reason that I've been floundering (yep, thought of the fish again. Can't help it) because if I get stuck or have a bad day I would go to him and we would talk about what we could do different. Right now I just bury my head in the sand and ignore it. He was also the motivating factor in the exercise. Diet I can do okay with on my own if I set my mind to it. Exercise I don't. I hate exercise. (Not to mention between the allergies and the asthma spring and fall try to kill me so breathing is already laboured). I've just learned over the last 7 months (and the last month especially) how important he is to me, my success and my mindset. Over the last year and a half-ish time period he has been working to become my center, to be the strong point that I turn to and it has worked. Very well.

Speaking of strong point (Lightening thinking people, I tell ya! Never a dull moment!) I was reading a few blogs where they were saying that they had seen the "human side" of their masters and it threw them off base a bit. This I can somewhat understand if they hadn't seen it before. Things like being sick, worried, depressed etc. were shaking them a little. I understand how that may bother somebody and everybody has different relationships of course, different aspects shown and what not. But, that being said... I also don't understand it. I know that master is human, makes mistakes, gets sick and to be honest... I love that about him. I love that he is real with me and doesn't put up a front or I only get one side of him. I couldn't take it if all I got was the strong dominant side, I enjoy all parts of him. I guess, he's not on a pedestal as "perfect" or "unshakable" to me and I've never put anybody on that pedestal
at all so that train of thought leaves me behind. I understand the train of thought, I just don't reside on that track.


  1. About your spreadsheet....try going to the help file and looking up the mathematical functions. That should have all the codes you need to do the short hand calculations! I only have OpenOffice spreadsheet so if you have a diff program I can't help you further than that :P good luck!

    oh and I noticed your switch but I thought it was on purpose :P ya know...make it more personal just at the point where you really get drawn least that's the excuse I'd use!

  2. Yeah... it was totally on purpose...