Saturday, March 19, 2011

One Foot In The Hole

So it's time once again for a random mishmash of thoughts.  This blog writes itself better when I'm upset, or angry or any emotion really. Lately other than wanting to be around Cael I'm just content and happy. Happy tends to result in me teasing and playing with Cael more than normal but rarely gives posts.

So what's on my mind tonight? How far down this hole I am with Cael. Not the submission, owned, possessed hole either. The I luff him to absolute fucking pieces hole. It's a deeper hole believe me.

Cael is very dominant, very much in control. He has a punishment list for me that I've managed to rack-up over the last year or so. He plans have me like his own personal sex toy(I did a "fuck yes!" wiggle when I found out. It was impressive). He makes his own ouchie toys. He's drawn blood while playing. He can be intimidating, he really can be. Yet, I'm not intimidated. I may get nervous for some of the playing, but at the same time I do want it. He has a hard, dominant, rough side.I realize that I'm going to completely ruin his domly image here but,  he has a softer side too. No really. It's not a side everybody sees, I didn't until he decided I was who he wanted to be with. I seen bits and pieces of it slip through but never all of it. I seen the protective part of him that took care of his friends, I seen the part of him that will generally put his family first unless there's a damn good reason not to, I seen the part of him that wanted a girl of his own and his own version of happy ever after but it was always vague, always covered up by harder things.

Now? I don't worry about him being too tough for me, too hard, too strict. It flutters back on occasion but it's squashed almost instantly. I wrote about stalling on my exercise and feeling bad about it all. I told him and he told me not worry about it and is helping me fix it. He's still protective, I've just seen another side of it. I know he would protect me, defend me...and he has. He'll make time for me even when he's tired and busy, even if it's just a few texts here and there. And to be honest, if you haven't been ignored and felt totally insignificant to other guys you've been with there really is no explaining how much that attention means. He now has a girl of his own that he's shared some of the happy ever after things he wants. While I'm unsure of what I want on a part or two of makes me smile that he's thought that far ahead not only about what he wants but about us too. I love middle of the night mostly asleep texts I get from him about spider-man suites, or random quotes from TV shows we both like. I like that he'll take his younger cousin out to the movies just because. I love that I can cuddle and kiss and touch and he lets me and even likes it. I love that I can send him a cuddly text and wont get brushed off I get a sweet remark. I love that he can call me "bitch" or "babe" and I still get the same smile on my face. Today he told me that he doesn't take my attention for granted and that he's lucky to have me. And again I fell a little deeper down that hole. It's a deep bitch *nods*.

Now, onto a question I received in a desperate attempt to cut down on the sap in this post.

What TV shows do you watch that Cael doesn't like so much?

....Thank you Cael*glares*.  I like older shows for the most part. There are very few new shows that I like. Cael doesn't like Roseanne...which I do. He doesn't like her voice. I watched it when I was younger and it makes me smile. I enjoy the comments.  He also doesn't like I Love Lucy. No idea why. I love this show, undertones of D/s and random spanking....there! I think that may be all that we've found so far. Possibly. Either way I'm not letting him be the one that moves my DVD collection when I move. Safety precaution.

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