While I have had some new questions I also have some other thoughts that need to escape my head. Just so I don't shock you, it's about Cael. Yes. I know.
Yesterday we had a slight hiccup. And by slight hiccup I mean he had a momentous foot in mouth moment on fetlife. I'm still surprised he's that flexible. Not everybody can get their foot that high that often. ( :p ) Essentially it was a matter of bad wording and me not knowing what was going on or how he was defining things. So, once it was explained and fixed everything was fine. Even if he got sarcastic in his profile (another shock). However, he didn't just stop at rewriting things. He changed the D/s relationship status. That right there? Means a lot. B would never have done that in a million years. Especially on fetlife, he wouldn't even do it on facebook. Cael has told his friends about me, B never did. The statuses and such may be silly little things, but they still mean something. Especially when you've been denied them. The way Cael treats me is so drastically different and so much better that every little thing he does I notice and smile like an idiot over. I love it. I love how he treats and makes me feel. With B I always felt like I was a secret, something to be hidden away and ashamed of. With Cael I feel wanted and accepted and luffed(boy will I ever be happy when I'm allowed to use other words!). Which in turns makes me happier and more considerate with him, not that he doesn't bring that out anyways. *shrug* Between what happened yesterday and watching how easily thing with other people can fall apart it's made me really appreciate Cael and the way we treat each other and interact and deal with problems or issues.
Just before I sat down to write this post Cael text me. We were teasing and he made a comment about me needing him. I told him I didn't. Several times. I know he doesn't believe me, and in all honesty neither do I. I don't like the implied weakness of "needing" somebody, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. While I don't need Cael to provide for me, I don't need him to fix everything for me, etc. But he is very much-needed. As for what I need him for, he knows and that? Is enough for me.
Now onto the questions.
Is Cael back from his vacation yet?
Yes, he is. He has been for a while. And I'm pretty happy about this. My little world is off kilter when he's gone. It's finally back revolving around him like it should :)
How did you and Cael meet?
Through the internet. He messaged me on a social site and I decided he was hot and messaged back. Though recently he's remarked that the only people on that site that message people are just horny. It was nicely ironic.
How do you deal with disappointing Cael?
Well, in general it feels like I've been punched in the stomach. But it really depends on how he reacts. If he's angry then I cower and want to crawl around behind him until everything is okay. So I behave, and by behave I mean I don't take a fucking breath without permission. If he's just disappointed or makes me feel guilty I tear up a bit and fix/do whatever I should have and apologize. I do not like when he isn't happy with me at all. Kind of like the world falling on my head honestly. But a lot of subs I know aren't like that... I seem to put a HUGE amount of importance on him. But that doesn't mean I put him on a pedestal at all, just that I value him and his opinion and what he thinks of me.
Does Cael make all your decisions?
No he doesn't. He is in control yes, and more often than not I run my decisions by him even if its just a "this is what I'm doing" thing. If he didn't like it he would tell me and depending on what it is I'd change it. I still make my own decisions, have my own brain, own thoughts. When I move he will be more involved in the decision-making process. Maybe he'll make them all. I don't know. I just know that right now this is how it's working. I do make sure I tell him what's happening though.
Do you have secrets from Cael/lie to him even if you think it's better?
No to both. I don't have any secrets from Cael. Chances are good that if it went through my head he's heard it. I just tell him everything naturally. Even if somebody told me a secret or didn't want anybody else to know something if he asked I would tell him. I would say that they didn't want anybody to know but in the end he comes first. As far as lieing to him... no, I value my life :). He doesn't like liars and doesn't put up with them. And really, I have no reason to lie to him. I don't do anything he doesn't know about, I don't hang out with anybody that I haven't mentioned to him..generally in detail. I just have no reason to. Especially if I fuck up, he is fairly forgiving and caring so I'm better off telling him and apologizing like my life depended on it than lieing and losing him.