Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Because I'm On Top Of Shit...

...I'm getting my post done early today. Or ya know, it could have something to do with probably getting in trouble for something I'm going to write and not wanting to spend all night procrastinating so Cael doesn't kick my ass. This way? He gets it sooner, my ass get kicked sooner and we all move on merrily :)

First though, mundane not gonna get myself in trouble stuff.

I've activated google calendar and have set it up so Cael has access to it. Right now I'm tracking when posts are due(I write a lot of stuff in a month btw), when I'm getting groceries, everyday type stuff. I've set it up so once Cael has spare time he can add things, or even just track my days better. Hell, there's even day or agenda settings so he can schedule my days hour by hour if he wanted. I may be begging for control. Perhaps.

I ended up going in a day early for groceries this week. My mom has her holiday stat Monday-Thursday and it made more sense to go into to town early and be able to say home for the rest of the week. I also plan on doing a turkey on Wednesday, since it is technically her days off for Easter. It's currently sitting in the sink, my bread crumbs are drying out...and I am turning into June Cleaver. Seriously. Wtf me?

Carrying on that statement, I got my herb seeds yesterday. I spent a few minutes planting them in one of those little plastic "faux" greenhouses. It's sitting in the window waiting to sprout. I got Basil and Parsley... I use quite a bit of both. I also got a couple of packets of flowers. I've had a thing for them lately and if I can get them growing in little pots in the house I should be able to keep them. Ones a wildflower mixed packet, the other is a "zebrina malva" flower that I quite like.  As far as veggies...last years huge fail has put me off it a bit. Maybe if I can eventually put them in the ground instead of doing pots they'd do better. But, in the pots they don't tend to end up with weeds. I hate picking weeds, thus... they are probably not being planted.

Cael and I talked the other day about moving and bills and the house. I got informed he's paying for the house.  I don't think it's fair, it's not an equal thing that way. He informed me that it is equal because he'll be making more money. Which, is true... and in all honesty, will probably always be true. It still bugs me that he wants to do it all himself, but that's not really my choice. If he decides that's what he wants to do when it comes time to do it then I'll accept it. Considering it's taken me over a day to accept the thought now. We're splitting the bills though, and that isn't changing!

Cael has decided that I'm sending him pictures of myself at least twice a week.  We're going on the thought that if I get used to him seeing me I wont be as freaked about it. So far, it's working. The first time I did it I toke about 30 pictures. The second time I took 3. I talked to Sephi about it and she thinks it's a matter of acceptance. I'm not happy with how I look, but instead of taking picture after picture and obsessing over what I don't like, I just accepted it and sent it. Which makes sense. Though I have found angles that I look better in and I use them. Religiously. There is only so far I can go though. I can get used to it, but there will still be a thread of fear there. It will be there until he's here and I know for sure that's he's okay with it, with me and still wants me. I can make progress, but I need the last step to really be in that space.

Since I'm getting more comfortable Cael and I are thinking that maybe we'll start going back and forth visiting this summer. Still a scary thing but damn it, I want my bear!

I took a break from writing this post, and took my second picture to send to him for this week. I ended up sending him two pictures out of the mere 5 I took. Which in itself is great. But when you factor in I took them in my bra, not in clothing I can hide in it's better. AND THEN!! You add in the fact that out of the 5 pictures I took, 3 of them I hid or tried to hide my arms (I hate my arms, seriously.) and those ones? I didn't send. I didn't like them as much as the ones where all of me was visible. I sent the two where he could see everything. I'm hiding less and less. I'm a little proud of me.

Now, onto the part of the post that will get me in trouble. My exercise. I got sick, it went down, we worked on it and I was just starting to get it going again and I was taken out by another cold. I'm now on immunity boosting pills. I'm done being sick. But, my exercise has yet again taken a shit kicking. Between being sick, having a pout, needing to be pushed until I get that groove back.... none of it's flowing right now. And it sucks.

But! I have made progress with the pictures and being comfortable so I'm holding on to that one as a victory.

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