Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Well, I'm going to babble. Why am I going to babble? Because Cael has a headache. He gets REALLY bad ones and I worry about him, they have developed other issues but I'm so not even close to being ready to blog about that. But, I do worry.

When he gets these headaches I want to help him so much because I know how much they hurt him. But, there is absolutely nothing I can do. so, when he gets a headache I love on him a bit. If he tells me he's laying down I give him an hour or so and check on him. Basically, I try to leave him alone as much as I can. Which if you've been reading here long you know isn't easy. I miss him very easily. He is so ingrained in my that an hour or two go by where I haven't heard from him I definitely notice. Add that to knowing he's in pain/uncomfortable... it sucks. I soo want a magic wand.

In good news though I managed to get outside to walk. FINALLY. It was cool but I needed to do it. I've made it the week that Cael required to get my reward. Which right now is reintroducing play time. Which I am totally having mixed feelings about. On one hand I know he's having trouble with his nymphomania, I know he's busy and stressed and getting headaches and I don't want to make any of that worse. On the other hand though.. I want him. Badly. He can make one comment and make my whole body respond without even touching me. I LOVE playing with him.  So, when that happens we see how it affects him, if it's not good then we find something else.

I try so hard to take care of him from where I am and I can't really. I am so looking forward to moving and being with him where I can rub his back or get his pills, or anything else. So, on the heels of that I was thinking yesterday that maybe I'll just lose a few pounds to get a bit more comfortable and have him come down. Losing the large amount I wanted at first is just too hard. I want him around. And that? Scared me. I was scared that he'd leave if he didn't get down here soon, or if he seen me and didn't like what he seen. Add that to the last post about being worried about his nymphomania and I had myself in a nice little insecure mess. So, what did I do?

I pestered the fuck out of him until I got some attention. Which, sadly ( :D ) he's used to. I told him I was feeling insecure and why, and I got told that he understood. That he wanted me around too and that he wasn't going anywhere. Needless to say I curled myself around him for a while. Every day that goes by seems to reinforce that I do in fact NEED him. I may not like that fact..or even be scared of the vulnerability of it, but it doesn't make it untrue. I need him in so many ways.

Talking about/telling him everything is so natural, and so right it feels wrong to do anything else. Especially since I tell him anything and he fixes it or "awe babe" 's me and I curl around him and feel better. He doesn't always share with me like that, but we're working on it. He's not used to it. He's very independent, very much shoulders his own problems and others. Which while it's not always good for him and we're working on shaving it down a bit so he doesn't burn out... it's yet another thing I luff about him. He is absolutely the most caring, luffing and amazing guy, and I'm soo hanging on to him.

As I said this would be a ramble... no direction, just typing. I've run out of things to type, no more avenues to explore tonight.

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