Thursday, July 8, 2010

Pity Post

I'm kinda sitting here having a pity party so I thought I'd throw in a pity post to round everything out just so.

Over the last few months a lot has changed. I don't know about everybody else but I would like a break for a while!

First B pulls his mysterious vanishing act, that on occasion still stings like fucking hell. He meant a lot and just up and left without a second thought for anything. That hurt, but I buried it. It rears it head once in a while but I seem fine.

Then, Chris gets a gf and I have barely heard from him. I went from having a best friend I talked to everyday, sometimes all day to basically some stranger I talk to on occasion and never see.

Most recently, Cael has gotten a gf. That was fine for a while, it was fairly open so not much changed. I finally got comfortable enough to send pics, I was content. Then things got kinda weird. He stopped responding to me like he normally did, didn't talk near as much. Basically pulled right away. Then tonight I get told that the flirting and playing is stopping.

Now, first B. As much as I wanted it to be gone, as fine as I act, as fine as I actually am sometimes...there are still times where I am a mess. Where all I can do is cry and wonder what the fuck happened and why I'm still upset.  When this happened I went to Chris, or Cael.

Chris, .... well his gf does not like me at all. Apparently I'm a threat...ha! He normally pulled away when he got a gf but this time has been worse because she gets upset when we talk or spend time together. Honestly, he's been dating her about two months... I've seen him once and have talked to him maybe 5 times. .... and not actual talking either. I may be lucky to get 5 texts out of him. He deserves a gf... but I am tired of being dropped every time he has one.

With Cael... I really don't know.  He sooooooo deserves to be happy and have somebody. But... I have never seen any side of Cael but the single side of him. Taking away the flirting and the playing is taking a way a lot of the way he interacts with me.

When Cael told me tonight things were changing I was fine at first. Then I got upset. Shitty thing is, he got the brunt of it and I don't even think that it's him I'm entirely upset with. I'm soo mad at B, and so fucking deeply hurt I don't think even I know the extent of it yet. I'm annoyed and disappointed with Chris. I'm upset that my relationship with Cael is changing.  All of it added up into a not very pretty conversation. All of it has happened within weeks or months of each other. I lost the very center of my little world, I lost the person I depended on most and it hasn't affected him at all that I can see. Then I lost the other two people I lean on, my entire support system has kinda crumbled. I realize that Cael isn't gone and he would probably kick my ass for even saying it but, it kinda feels like it when I'm getting a side of a person that I just don't know.  ... for the other two I don't really have any words left.

1 comment:

  1. Ya I will kick your ass for saying that. Sorry it's changed but I'm not gone and won't ever be